I threw together a quick templater script to print random quotes in my Obsidian daily notes.

I threw the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition in there too, because why not.

Enable User Script Functions in Templater. Then, in your daily note template:

<% tp.user.random_quote(tR) %>

Renders a quote like:

> [!quote] QOTD: @sadserver
> making mistakes is human
> automating them is ops


> [!quote] QOTD: @devops_borat
> Best analogy I find so far for explain concept of ScrumMaster to new devops is Tooth Fairy.


> [!quote] QOTD: Rule of Acquisition 47
> Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

So dumb, but it’s important to remember to have fun!

function random_quote(tR) {
  const QUOTES = [
    // @devops_borat
    "I remember very clear I cry when I finish volume 3 of Knuth. - @devops_borat",
    "I am work on CSS SQL. - @devops_borat",
    "First sign of depression in devops is denial: you start of ignore Nagios alert. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops language is not success unless is another language++. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you are addict to graph if first thought after orgasm is send duration and intensity to Graphite. - @devops_borat",
    "If you want take server temperature for send to Graphite I recommend rectal method. - @devops_borat",
    "Many devops not know what threshold of pain they have because they never try pair programming. - @devops_borat",
    "Due of lack of enthusiasm from user Google is launch Dart++ tomorrow. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops trick question of today is fill in blank: Perl 6, Python 3, PHP 6, ___? - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is not uncommon of see death by a thousand pages of Wiki. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me most critical piece of their infrastructure are Python 2.3 and duct tape. - @devops_borat",
    "Is best not of disturb MySQL while is take dump. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember first step in launch startup is have perfect elevator bitch for VC! - @devops_borat",
    "If you are think of use Hadoop on Windows it mean you have not master full power of MS Access yet. - @devops_borat",
    "K&R C is Harley Davidson of devops. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we eat own dog food. Best is Purina. - @devops_borat",
    "Euphemism for junior devops is \"Windows power user\". - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we follow Yegge advice of have public API for all internal object. Is for user to mashup our application. - @devops_borat",
    "I start believe in AI when it can able rack server at 1 in morning. - @devops_borat",
    "You know you have good devops infrastructure if is take outage of 1 data center and 2 EC2 region for shit to get real. - @devops_borat",
    "For job security in devops make of sure you advocate Continuous Delivery and implement by manual procedure of 45 step! - @devops_borat",
    "Fuckings! I tell Siri deploy Hadoop cluster and she order Oracle Big Data Appliance! - @devops_borat",
    "Piwik, Siri, I say Piwik and not Omniture SiteCatalyst! - @devops_borat",
    "I get of it now! My iPhone 4s is come with Siri Enterprise Edition! - @devops_borat",
    "Behind every Big Data problem is Small Data fuckup. - @devops_borat",
    "I write article on \"Anatomy of devops cultural interactions\". Only 2 words: Big Dicks. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember sign up for next semester online class offer by Stanford on \"Programming, Motherfucker\"! - @devops_borat",
    "Is easy of have Siri do any thing you want: just use sudo. - @devops_borat",
    "Native devops have 23 different word for deployment. - @devops_borat",
    "Before accept full responsible always try of blame RAID controller. - @devops_borat",
    "SSD is new SAN. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember stop sometime for count your blessing! Unless you are Windows admin. - @devops_borat",
    "People are ask me: what is devops? Is scripting and shit. - @devops_borat",
    "I not trust any technology if nobody is tweet about it. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have janitor wear CTO hat this week. He is order no bug in code for next 6 day. - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data analyst is pole dancer of devops. - @devops_borat",
    "In lean startup we refactor ruthless by put code on autoshuffle. - @devops_borat",
    "In Kazakhstan we say \"Give me of liberty or give me of Java\"! - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me Android Marshmallow is have emotional intelligence of average Google engineer! - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is also tell me Android Pumpkin Pie is have enough AI for create Android Rhubarb Crumble! - @devops_borat",
    "Siri is tell me all hipster are douchebag but not all douchebag are hipster. - @devops_borat",
//     "New blog post: \"Deploy ALL the things\" - [1615]http://goo.gl/JhygD - @devops_borat",
    "I am only reach for Perl if I can not able do it with Apache config directive. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are use NoSQL and NoTest. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is important always have beginner mind. Is why we are use homegrown bash script for everything. - @devops_borat",
    "1 TB of Big Data is much more than 1024 GB of small data. - @devops_borat",
    "In junior devops we have 'monkey see, monkey bring down cloud'. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops if you can not able get right woman, try of use better regex! - @devops_borat",
    "Maybe is not work because you are use wrong Unicorn encoding? - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is small difference of bulls eye and bulls shit. Is measured in press releases. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops 'sow wild oats' is when you roll own crypto. - @devops_borat",
    "Give junior devops Perl Camel book and they are never need another language. They are also never learn proper programming. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are not devops you need of choose easy remember password. If you are devops you need of choose easy remember ssh keypair. - @devops_borat",
    "Lisp is first programming language I have learn. Then I discover Visual Basic and never look back. - @devops_borat",
    "Easy thing of Lisp is start with parenthese. Hard thing of Lisp is where of put last parenthese. - @devops_borat",
    "I work on book of 'Not cc all company in email by mistake for dummies'. - @devops_borat",
    "True devops can able teach CS 101 by use simple abacus. - @devops_borat",
    "Manager remember! Tell Windows sysadmin not apply latest patch is same as tell lemming stay away of cliff! - @devops_borat",
    "Top 3 useless thing in devops are Scrum Master certification, security policy document and Python 3. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops threesome is when you are use Perl, Python and Ruby on same project. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are feel good after write script which interact with database, it mean you have less of 5 year experience in devops. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are need of fire all unpaid intern. Too much consumption of snack is affect financial. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops Dozen is when you are take 13 day for accomplish thing which can easy able do in 12 hour. - @devops_borat",
    "I never understand expression 'waiting for other shoe to drop' until I roll out application on PaaS. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are hire only rockstar, ninja or samurai. Vague familiar with computer is big plus. - @devops_borat",
    "I have witness PostgreSQL hit many of home run. But is just because is MySQL on steroid. - @devops_borat",
    "I want quit Google+ but Siri has just add me to her circle of intelligent robot. - @devops_borat",
    "Goal of devops is do less with more. - @devops_borat",
    "Practical experience with NoSQL is prompt you to do it or avoid it. No practical experience is prompt you to present of it at conference. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is not of what you know, is of who is follow you on Twitter. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops in Europe must of be proud of show most expensive haircut ever. - @devops_borat",
    "If you want have your devops get best orgasm make of sure you MapReduce log data then visualize in Graphite. - @devops_borat",
    "New junior devops has doing chaos monkey on 3 Cisco switch in server room today. He is on probation 2 week on Windows Vista. - @devops_borat",
    "I have bad english but maybe native speaker can tell if brogrammer and douchebag is same? - @devops_borat",
    "For Halloween I am dress as LDAP server. I not like talk to anybody. - @devops_borat",
    "Rule of thumb: technology or product name which is start with Open is fail. - @devops_borat",
    "Number one mistake of devops in job interview is speak in JSON. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is never good time of lose SEO virginity. - @devops_borat",
    "In Kazakhstan we are laugh at short sight of Silicon Valley. We build company for last at least 200 year. Is why we use COBOL on AS/400. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops at Facebook is tell me Google Plus is threaten his job. User abandon G+ for Facebook are almost too much for handle! - @devops_borat",
    "I am very close of release Tcl++. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember, Big Data is just Small Data which you let sit for 2 year! - @devops_borat",
    "Is true that everybody in Palo Alto is dress up as VC today? - @devops_borat",
    "True devops never XML, FTP, ORM or RPC. - @devops_borat",
    "I am of happy Halloween is pass. It was hard distinguish costume douchebag from real douchebag. - @devops_borat",
    "I write book 'Kama Sutra for devops'. Is show graphic all possible intercourse of firewall with load balancer. - @devops_borat",
    "For bathroom humor in devops I am recommend read random PHP script. - @devops_borat",
    "Many vendor are offer Hadoop this days. I personal prefer buy from Apache. - @devops_borat",
    "If any of unit test you have is not fit in single tweet, you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "I am work on dating site for single points of failure. - @devops_borat",
    "Tomorrow we migrate off cloud if weather permit. - @devops_borat",
    "If you have startup name not end in ly you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops time warp is when full backup is take more of 24 hours. - @devops_borat",
    "Never do today what small shell script can able do tomorrow. - @devops_borat",
    "I can able stand of watch first half only of video 'Two devops and a Cisco PIX'. - @devops_borat",
    "Best program I write in devops career is Perl script which is ask 5 personal question and spit out IT budget for next year. - @devops_borat",
    "\"DevOps in the Cloud\" is pleonasm. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops are in charge of scale up. Senior devops are in charge of scale down. - @devops_borat",
    "If you can not able ship it, next best thing is act as if you have ship it. - @devops_borat",
    "I am close of release pine and elm theme for Gmail. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me they are switch teams around for development of career. Is why Gmail interface is done by Big Table team. - @devops_borat",
    "Infrastructure is only need love from devops. Devops are only need respect from infrastructure. - @devops_borat",
    "Hardest thing in write 'iptables for Dummies' book is call remote hand for reboot machine each of time I run sample script. - @devops_borat",
    "`#2` most stress job of devops is Google SRE. `#1` is Database Migrator. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud expert is `#1` least stress job of devops. Is only involve tweet. - @devops_borat",
    "I can never able setup site to site VPN unless I am resort to Jedi mindtrick. - @devops_borat",
    "I watch Devops Tales From The Crypt first episode. Is very scary, contain graphic image of debug Apache rewrite rule. - @devops_borat",
    "Juniper is Chaos Monkey for ISP. - @devops_borat",
    "Rackspace are look for guinea pig customer for install private cloud on OpenStack! They not roll out in own cloud yet, is too buggy. - @devops_borat",
    "Sign you are young and still learn in devops is you are not afraid of use -r in rm command. - @devops_borat",
    "You are get shit done? Yes: continue. No: continue of read and reply to tweet. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops third time is usually charm. But first 2 time are epic fail. - @devops_borat",
    "In Scrum is chicken and is pig. In Lean is douche and is bag. - @devops_borat",
    "Is me or is urine smell as bad like Cisco router after night spend at data center? - @devops_borat",
    "Big data analytics is show devops which can not able stand word fuck in presentation are prefer SQL Server. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you can able be total asshole as long as you are produce beautiful graphs. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have 3 position open of devops. Please not bother of apply if you are work for live and not live for work. - @devops_borat",
    "With enough eyeball all code is shallow. - @devops_borat",
    "For rank superstar in startup we are use metric: for dev line of code write/hr, for ops line of log inspect/hr, for QA bug find/hr. - @devops_borat",
    "In Lean Startup if you are write more code than janitor you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "In Lean Startup we are never waste time with documentation. But you are welcome of buy sign copy of our book! - @devops_borat",
    "Is better dev who pretend are ops or ops who pretend are dev? Only way of find out is put all on pager. - @devops_borat",
    "In enterprise you are bitch of hardware vendor. In startup you are bitch of cloud provider API. - @devops_borat",
    "An question: Mark Shuttleworth invent Ubuntu before or after he walk on Moon? - @devops_borat",
    "I can not able present of Big Data in front of audience because I get too much of Big Erection - @devops_borat",
    "When I am depress I start think it can able be worse: some devops are manage Exchange server somewhere. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud expert try of launch new cloud instance is same as U S and A football announcer try of score touchdown. - @devops_borat",
    "Is possible for devops of walk on hot coal if put mind to it. Is not possible for devops of get app work with SELinux. - @devops_borat",
    "Is all make sense now: source of Canonical is tell me maintainer of AppArmor and designer of Unity are one and same person! - @devops_borat",
    "Karl Marx was much right: Hacker News is opium of devops. - @devops_borat",
    "Friend from Google is tell me they have best food in Googleplex but they not allowed make recipes public. - @devops_borat",
    "Is no such thing as Big Data. Is only data you not sampled sufficient yet so it fit in RAM and it process with SQLite. - @devops_borat",
    "Big advantage of BigQuery after you give all of your data to Google is you are able query it and see ads base on result. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have Senior Data Analyst use Hadoop as Viagra so he can able finally fuck with his data. - @devops_borat",
    "Big news! I quit startup! I am tire of do same old shit. I join new startup and am do much new cool shit! - @devops_borat",
    "Is easy get confuse of cloud and Internet. Main difference is Internet never go down. - @devops_borat",
    "Protip for Junior Devops: Ethernet is not same as Internet. Cloud is need both. - @devops_borat",
    "Other main difference of cloud and Internet is half of Internet is have sad face of Wikipedia founder look at you. - @devops_borat",
    "Hipster devops can not able use Hadoop unless is rewrite in Scala. - @devops_borat",
    "You can only able do Agile if you have good Scum Master. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are hire devops only if they can able show contribution to 25 project on GitHub and are not possess resume. - @devops_borat",
    "Is better NoSQL than misunderestimated SQL. - @devops_borat",
    "I am never use product with version end in odd number. - @devops_borat",
    "Oh to be of young devops again and to get of excite by boot in single user mode... - @devops_borat",
    "R is bc for hipster. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud definition: art of fail at scale. - @devops_borat",
    "When benchmark new database technology, make sure not only use own laptop. Be much thorough and also use desktop. - @devops_borat",
    "ETL is other word for when you are use lot of sed and awk in your script. - @devops_borat",
    "Many devops are dick but few are hard. - @devops_borat",
    "We have 3 strike rule for devops: 1 strike we are take away Perl. 2 strike we are take away bash. 3 strike we are give PowerShell. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are hire devops only if they can able of solve in interview problem we had for last 3 year. - @devops_borat",
    "Best distributed key/value data store is DNS. - @devops_borat",
    "I am try of teach junior devops how to proper manual testing but they are only go through motions. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops are make bad judgment but very fast. Senior devops are make good judgment but too slow. - @devops_borat",
    "Myth of devops `#1:` plan new feature and release in same month. - @devops_borat",
    "Myth of devops `#2:` tester catch up with developer in same iteration. - @devops_borat",
    "Myth of devops `#3:` great success of deploy to production on Friday. - @devops_borat",
    "If you ever express opinion and are not use word 'always' or 'never' you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "Myth of devops `#4:` of course we can able scale, we are use cloud! - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud instance is need only for few day but subtle bug in Puppet manifest is live forever. - @devops_borat",
    "You are good devops only if you are spend quantity time with your infrastructure. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we have Mile High Club of deploy to production from plane. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops ego is direct proportion to number of programming language we know. Salary is inverse proportion. - @devops_borat",
    "I convince famous Kazakhstan film director of buy right to Stevens TCP/IP Illustrated! - @devops_borat",
    "Devops please take moment of consider somewhere somebody is now troubleshoot NIS+ issue on Solaris. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not in production until you are receive critical alert of it. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they are finish task 3 to 6 month after deadline. Senior devops are never finish. - @devops_borat",
    "Is good saying 'if you are want thing done, give to person most busy'. Is why in startup we give all new project to janitor. - @devops_borat",
    "Welcome to new public cloud! Come for infinite elastic, stay for data lock in. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is nothing as risky as a no-brainer. - @devops_borat",
    "I am not use tool which not end in sh, rl, cs or ng. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup for each of bug we have BDFL. - @devops_borat",
    "Is all fun and game until it segfault. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we not use expression 'shoot yourself in foot'. We use expression 'use NFS in cloud'. - @devops_borat",
    "Number of project you are contribute in GitHub is inverse proportional to number of conference you are attend in year. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell expert of software architecture by they are never involve in deploy to production. - @devops_borat",
    "If want something done in 10 minute, send to devops email. If want no reply for 10 day, send to sales email. - @devops_borat",
    "10 thing you not know of devops: 1) if we are yell at you is because we are care; 2) we are always count in binary - @devops_borat",
    "Unix devops can able unleash power of bash. Windows devops can only able unleash power of .bat. - @devops_borat",
    "Responsible green devops are always ask of themselves \"Is this really good for Internet\" before do git push. - @devops_borat",
    "In Kazakhstan we are pepperspray router only if it drop packet. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are Thanksgiving for opportunity of learn new skill for use in next startup when first is fail. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops nothing is more pain as when choose between C and A. Is why we pretend P never happen. - @devops_borat",
    "Rule of thumb is less user you have, is faster site with less issue. Aim for 0 user and you are get infinite speed with 0 bug. - @devops_borat",
    "Only thing of compare with write first working Perl script is lose virginity. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you either are contribute to tool or you are tool. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have Siri `#1` write code. She is also tell Siri `#2` of write automate test. Future is now. - @devops_borat",
    "Lately I suffer of web performance anxiety and kernel panic attack. - @devops_borat",
    "Before start program in Javascript try count to 10. Most time urge is pass. - @devops_borat",
    "I can already able tell 2012 is year of Borland Turbo Cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "Only best manual tester can able watch grass grow. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are work on product for Big Metadata. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup for Agile practice we are automate brainstorming with Mechanical Turk. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops if you carry pager every day is Cyber Monday. - @devops_borat",
    "I am almost finish with PhD in timezone math! - @devops_borat",
    "Difference of junior and senior devops is junior devops are imagine they can able master Unicode. - @devops_borat",
    "Single point of failure in private cloud is of usually Unix guy with neckbeard. - @devops_borat",
    "Attention devops: \"learn NoSQL\" is not same as \"learn no SQL\"! - @devops_borat",
    "I have never see shit hit fan at data center but I have see shit hit air conditioning unit. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell senior devops by they can able shoot themselve in foot in any of programming language. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops are always ask me which new technology they need learn. I am always tell them learn of keep disk space available for user. - @devops_borat",
    "If cloud standard committee and security policy have lovechild, it would be name ROT13. - @devops_borat",
    "Study is show private cloud is most of dangerous for data lock-in. After 2 month nobody is remember how get data back. - @devops_borat",
    "I am still have PTSD 20 year after type rm -rf * .o - @devops_borat",
    "I manage of automate everything! Now I am so bored I am volunteer time as desktop support. - @devops_borat",
    "Tell me how many of ls option you are know and I tell you if you are wear sock with sandal. - @devops_borat",
    "Is good of see Yammer team expose truth of Scala is not Turing complete! - @devops_borat",
    "Is matter very little which of JVM language you are use if visitor can only able see on your site \"Error when connect to database\". - @devops_borat",
    "No, Siri! I say 'we have database is shit' not 'have database shut down'! - @devops_borat",
    "Last night I have nightmare I was BDFL of Apache Flex SDK. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they are not protect themselve when they are fuck with database. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me they are donate Google Plus to Apache Foundation. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Canonical is tell me they project 2012 is year of Ubuntu is become dominant OS on Compaq desktop. - @devops_borat",
    "I run Big Data Analytic on result of Myers-Briggs test for devops. Most common type is Insensitive Jerk. - @devops_borat",
    "Main difference of sysadmin and devops is as sysadmin you are have less chance of get laid. - @devops_borat",
    "I go to devops bar last night and manage of score some tail recursion! - @devops_borat",
    "Devops not forget! Tomorrow you can able read official position of ours startup on Erlang, Haskell, Clojure and Go! - @devops_borat",
    "CouchDB is Ingres of NoSQL. - @devops_borat",
    "If pager is beep at night but nobody is hear, is site still down? - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire junior devops if they are at least 5 trick pony. - @devops_borat",
    "I start of use ql.io only when is become NoSQL-compliant. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember, nobody is say on deathbed they wish they set up more VPN tunnel! - @devops_borat",
    "You are good manager only if you are find Internet Samurai in every of devops you manage. - @devops_borat",
//     "If your application is use HTTP and your company is not in cloudscape you need of protest! [1152]http://www.bvp.com/cloud/bvp_cloudscape.html ... - @devops_borat",
    "I get shitface with 2 others devops last night and we manage of establish which is better of Chef and Puppet. Can not able remember. - @devops_borat",
    "For get job in ours startup is not enough sufficient of be rockstar. We are only hire Lady Gaga devops. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops can able be passive-aggressive but senior devops are of always aggressive-aggressive. - @devops_borat",
    "Thought leader is same as regular devops but can able talk good BS. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Microsoft is tell me in next version of Visual Studio you can able press F12 for shut down entire Azure cloud at once. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops if you are feel project is not go anywhere, try of start from scratch but this time with UML. - @devops_borat",
    "Many of devops are now launch cloud instance beyond their means. - @devops_borat",
    "I read documentation for new REST API and I am confuse. Is only say 'GET SOME'. - @devops_borat",
    "Nobody is of guilty if they are get sick! Is why I am never blame serial startup founder. - @devops_borat",
    "Never believe of devops when they are talk of eternal love. Eternity for devops is 5 year at same company. - @devops_borat",
    "In chinese is crisis=danger+opportunity. In devops crisis=site down+boss is know of it. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have infrastructure as code but nobody is able debug it. - @devops_borat",
    "Good sign you are write too much code is you are create new programming language by mistake every day. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops M is for Maven and Masochist. - @devops_borat",
    "You are either have eventual consistency delay today or eventual web site tomorrow. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are never do today what we can able blame on cloud issue tomorrow. - @devops_borat",
    "Is call middleware because you can not able make head or tail of it. - @devops_borat",
    "Financial of company is inverse proportion of number of newsletter it send. - @devops_borat",
    "I have dream last night I manage of disprove CAP theorem. Is involve bash script of 1000 line and lot of duct tape. - @devops_borat",
    "Some time is hard of find exact person culprit of bug but is usually member of QA team. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are graph so much of shit we can not able tell good shit from bad shit. - @devops_borat",
    "Is no loneliness bigger of talk on IM with guy next of you at work. - @devops_borat",
    "Is time for Douchebag Of Year award for devops but is impossible of choose, too much candidates. - @devops_borat",
    "I hate of burst bubble of Rails programmer and MongoDB devops, but Santa is not exist. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are practice Continuous Deployment but never do Frantic Deployment, you are not experience enough. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Facebook is tell me they are close of release TurboPHP. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are have Small Data but of at least we are have Big Pipe. - @devops_borat",
    "I am prefer honest No from datacenter server than Maybe from cloud VM. - @devops_borat",
    "When junior devops are come to me with problem I am tell them go learn tcpdump and come back in 1 year. - @devops_borat",
    "Is very easy have great success in devops. 1) Get shit done. 2) Make of sure shit work. - @devops_borat",
    "When want get good shit done check of code smell first. - @devops_borat",
    "They are come to me junior devops and they are leave Perl one-liner guru with neckbeard. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup friday is retro day. Dev are allow compile and link code and QA are do manual testing. Ops can able install Gentoo (VM only). - @devops_borat",
    "Small Data in, Garbage out. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are not remove 2 LOC for every of 1 LOC you are write then you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "If all you are have is hammer, everything is look like shell script. - @devops_borat",
    "Hell is other people which are need help with Outlook. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of HP is tell me you are need of install printer driver before you can able use HP Cloud API. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me most searched phrase is start with 'fucking Google changed my ...'. - @devops_borat",
    "If you want of do Big Data and you not know good math all you can able achieve is Medium Data. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell senior devops by they are go batshit crazy at least of once per day. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not about backup, is about restore. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops if shit is worth of doing, shit is hard. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they are excite database is fit in RAM. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of MySQL is tell me they are rebrand in 2012 as Oracle Me. - @devops_borat",
    "When recruiter is call I tell follow me on Twitter then DM me. Is never fail. - @devops_borat",
    "2012 is year of private cloud, Linux desktop and establish which of emacs and vi is better. - @devops_borat",
    "Guess company which is get buy in 2012 by one of other company in this list: Oracle, eBay, Google, Salesforce. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember if get fortune cookie, add 'in cloud' when read. - @devops_borat",
    "Dummies are people which are think they are smarter as people which are read 'For Dummies' book. - @devops_borat",
    "5 essential tool you are need in devops: Perl. - @devops_borat",
    "When have doubt, delegate. - @devops_borat",
    "When devops are fall in love, they are promise each other C and A with no P. - @devops_borat",
    "Womans devops: best gift for your man devops is tell him GitHub would not be same without him! - @devops_borat",
    "Mens devops: best gift for your woman devops is tell her you are love her as much as your favorite editor! - @devops_borat",
    "Hipster devops are never use Python because is lack blocks. - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data is in eye of beholder. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are call bash script of more of 50 line of code \"slippery slope\". - @devops_borat",
    "I am only visit site which are look good in VT100. - @devops_borat",
    "If run command over ssh in for loop of 100 machine is wrong, I not want of be right. - @devops_borat",
    "Next big project I have for year 2012 is rewrite Apache httpd in node.js. - @devops_borat",
    "We have new startup is name Shitly. Mission is we are show you how we are use shit technology so you can able avoid it. - @devops_borat",
    "I just find out in Chinese calendar is 2012 Year of Troll. - @devops_borat",
    "Secret of success is hire people which are more smartass than you. - @devops_borat",
    "Word of encourage to node.js programmer: not pay attention to negative comment! In beginning people were think PHP was shit technology too! - @devops_borat",
    "Was very busy with Amazon Elastic Rolling Reboot. - @devops_borat",
    "@jaredfolkins too many of character for type. Try of 'top'. - @devops_borat",
    "I am almost finish with book 'Making sure server comes up after reboot for Dummies'. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops prediction for year 2012: Cloud, NoSQL and Big Data are final get press they are deserve. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops profession you can able be old but still hotshot. - @devops_borat",
    "All devops are have hidden superpower. Is why I not believe in CAP theorem. - @devops_borat",
    "I have resolution for 2012 of not learn javascript. - @devops_borat",
    "I have resolution for 2012 of learn new language every of month for never use in production. - @devops_borat",
    "Have title of devops is not bring more of money but is help of get laid. - @devops_borat",
    "I take half bake shell script from yesterday over fully cook README file from last year. - @devops_borat",
    "Highest quality of software is one which is never ship. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are not hire devops which never lost data by stupid of mistake. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have conclusion of best way for prioritize backlog is Twitter sentiment analysis. - @devops_borat",
    "Every technology is evolve until is become acronym. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we manage of hire node.js ninja. Primary responsibility is follow up on comment on Hacker News. - @devops_borat",
    "Vera of QA is tell me she start date devops but is not look good long-term because he have git commitment issue. - @devops_borat",
    "All OS are evolve until they are support dtrace. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are play hard but then we are also play hard. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops record of wiki still usable is 43 day. - @devops_borat",
    "2011 Community of Year award is go to CouchDB. - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data Analytic is show every 36 hour is one technology jump shark. - @devops_borat",
    "You have devops is suffer of apathy? Get his ass on pager. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are automate everything long ago but nobody is remember why. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud is past infancy but most cloud expert are stuck there. - @devops_borat",
    "All success project have ratio of 4 NO to 1 YES. - @devops_borat",
    "Be automate and wrong or be manual and right? - @devops_borat",
    "Sufficient advance devops is indistinguish from lazy fucker. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have rule only do business with vendor which is reply to email in less of 30 minute. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you can not able fake it unless you are at CTO or above. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are not use cloud yet you are miss out on push limit of human stupidity. - @devops_borat",
    "Personal record is 8 LOC with not syntax error or spell mistake. - @devops_borat",
    "I full support decision of Jerry Yang for go dark against SOPA! - @devops_borat",
    "Most devops are not realize but every of 1 hour spend by code is 1 hour less spend on HN. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not metaprogramming if you are still understand it after 2 week. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not true agile if is not teach by expensive consultant. - @devops_borat",
    "If you have impression StopSOPA was of difficulty, try StopTDD! - @devops_borat",
    "Best analogy I find so far for explain concept of ScrumMaster to new devops is Tooth Fairy. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember cloud is only means to end. End is cloud vendor get rich. - @devops_borat",
    "Not 2 devops are alike. Is why each is reinvent wheel. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Amazon is tell me they soon have next big announce of Elastic Kanban. - @devops_borat",
    "First step of deal with database issue is apply KISSD principle. - @devops_borat",
    "Nothing is give false sense of security like great success of load test in stage. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not in production until is fail hard in 2 different way. - @devops_borat",
    "Law of Devops `#1:` if is too easy now, is always come back bite you later. - @devops_borat",
    "Node summit participant please considering attend event next week DoucheCamp in Almaty Kazakhstan! - @devops_borat",
    "Reason few devops are progress to CTO is they are too of technical for own good. - @devops_borat",
    "Decent devops are borrow code. Good devops are steal code. Best devops are never use own code. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are ever need of ask for permission you are not true devops. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are spend 1 hour on Twitter for each of 1 sec of make test suite faster. - @devops_borat",
    "Agile devops can not able afford have bug in code. Is why we test own code and not need QA. - @devops_borat",
    "Walk before run. C before C++ before Java before Scala. - @devops_borat",
    "Is seem easy but we are know devops life is NP-Hard. - @devops_borat",
    "In lean startup is CEO need of be specialist in Photoshop and Cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "If RabbitMQ is answer, you are ask wrong question. - @devops_borat",
    "Optimist is devops who is ignore first 2 Nagios alert. - @devops_borat",
    "You not really know what data lockin is until you are hire professional Oracle DBA. - @devops_borat",
    "On top 10 list of way for startup to fail is technology choice `#11.` - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have NoOps. All sysadmin request are go direct to CEO. - @devops_borat",
    "Friend hipster is tell me Java is new Scala. - @devops_borat",
    "Single Sign-On is always come in three. - @devops_borat",
    "JavaScript is only interest me because is about Java and scripting. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are expert of BASIC or Clojure is make little of difference to hot womans. - @devops_borat",
    "Before every of bug is always shrug. - @devops_borat",
    "I never meet developer which not write bug-free code. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud is when virtual machine is operate on virtual data. - @devops_borat",
    "I not find problem yet which can not able be solve by press release. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops make of sure you not call TDD practitioner \"coder'! Proper term is \"failing test fixer\". - @devops_borat",
    "I am only lose hope when developer is tell me \"I get it done soon\". - @devops_borat",
    "Thin line between annoy and despair is between 2 and 5 nagios alert of night. - @devops_borat",
    "I am only mark email important if I receive same of message 6 time in 2 week from 3 different person. - @devops_borat",
    "I am ready for startup, I look for minimal viable cofounder. - @devops_borat",
    "Clojure is useful for programmer who are come to Java from Java. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops for Valentine Day forget of chocolate kiss and give each of other gift of unit test! - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are measure many thing but only one is matter: tweet/hour. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have first fireable offense is dependency injection. - @devops_borat",
    "You are not true Microsoft shop if you are not practice Powerpoint Driven Development. - @devops_borat",
    "VC are demand increase income for startup so we are build paywall between dev and ops. - @devops_borat",
    "I am only accept job offer from startup which is in business for 8 year. - @devops_borat",
    "Is great job security for sysadmin. Server is not go configure itself! - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data Analytic is show best ingredient for success of pair programming is Chanel No. 5. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are spend 10 hour of every single day on automate everything. - @devops_borat",
    "Very excite of work at startup with big idea for monetize HTTP. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup after too much Nagios critical alert we are always perform 5 Why. Each of time we are find interesting way of destroy pager! - @devops_borat",
    "Rule of thumb in devops is if task is not get done in 3 month then is never get done. - @devops_borat",
//     "In devops we are never panic as much as when we are push out of quadrant 3 [814]http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FourQuadrants ... - @devops_borat",
    "For understand recursion, answer \"Who is monitor your monitor server?\" - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are fire QA if they are ever find more of 3 critical bug per release. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are look for CEO which not succeed but fail exact 2 other startup. Third time is charm. - @devops_borat",
    "I am tune out at word 'vendor'. - @devops_borat",
    "Every piece of software is not finish evolve until is become dinosaur. - @devops_borat",
    "Best bug report are passive-aggressive. - @devops_borat",
    "Many devops are seduce and abandon by cloud but nobody is regret it. - @devops_borat",
    "I am never feed server again once I deploy. - @devops_borat",
    "If you have Big Data process is involve grep, you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are communicate with coworker only by JIRA ticket. - @devops_borat",
    "In cloud you need of launch 100 instance/day and terminate 99 instance/day just for stay in game. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops many time we not see tree for root. - @devops_borat",
//     "For avoid Azure cloud outage scenario in startup we are only hire devops born on 29 of february [782]http://blogs.msdn.com/b/windowsazure/archive/2012/03/01/windows-azure-service-disruption-update.aspx ... - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are always get shit done. Only problem is most of it is shit. - @devops_borat",
    "For junior devops I recommend of start with Low Availability first. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops equivalent of wet dream is run benchmark of web server with not network traffic on localhost. - @devops_borat",
    "Is ridicule when company have wall between dev and ops. In startup we are use NDA instead. - @devops_borat",
    "I have good gene. Father was ALGOL hipster in 1958. - @devops_borat",
    "Once you are try Big Data you can not able go back. - @devops_borat",
    "Internet would be safer place if brogrammer use strncpy. - @devops_borat",
    "I write all infrastrucure diagram on paper because everything is look good on paper. - @devops_borat",
    "In security startup we are heavy use of RoR as honeypot. - @devops_borat",
    "Is time for abandon startup when CEO is start of learn Clojure. - @devops_borat",
    "If is take you less of 10 year to master something you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are still fascinate by NoSQL in 2012 you must of be brogrammer. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is always get worse before is get worse. - @devops_borat",
    "If you not direct all user from regular site to mobile site you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire devops which have never hear of Twitter and irc. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember nobody got fire for buy Open Source software. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire Windows devops if they prove they can able format C drive under 50 second. - @devops_borat",
    "Behind every of great devops is great 100 line bash script. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you can able choose of have sinking feeling in stomach before, during or after deploy to production. - @devops_borat",
    "Life of devops in 6 word: \"I thought it was staging database\" - @devops_borat",
    "Slashdot is Reddit for hipster. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we can not able read any documentation longer of 140 characters. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have manager always start day by praise 4 devops and criticize 1 devops of random. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops any of fool can able come up with funny absurd thing. Is take senior devops for actual deploy it. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are have few of aha moment but lot of WTF moment. - @devops_borat",
    "Sign economy is bad is when devops are start of advertise they are document code for food. - @devops_borat",
    "If you not have disaster recovery strategy for your disaster recovery procedure you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are try of hire devops with no idea but is very hard, they all are apply to Y Combinator! - @devops_borat",
    "Is all fun and game until you can not able ping it. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have NoOps and NoIdea. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Amazon is tell me best monitoring strategy is watch Netflix. If is up, they can able blame customer. If is down, they are fuck. - @devops_borat",
    "Almost finish new command line utility 'gtfo' for roll out cloud instance quick. - @devops_borat",
    "If you hear devops is mutter \"Shit got real\" is probably Unicode error. - @devops_borat",
    "You are not true devops unless you are practice 'cron and forget'. - @devops_borat",
    "I like NoOps very much. Is not possible of assign blame when server is go down! - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have all new devops deploy in Visio on day one! - @devops_borat",
    "Law of entropy for documentation: after 60 day, each piece of documentation is either invalid or can not able be found. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are not wake up of Nagios minimum 2 time per week, your technology is not sufficient cutting-edge. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are always have quiet celebration when server is come back up after reboot. - @devops_borat",
    "Almost finish with book \"'Why you need of port shell script more of 100 line to Perl right now! for Dummies\". - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data is hard because you are never sure which Hadoop you are need of use. - @devops_borat",
    "Dirty secret of NoOps is they are keep 3 fuckin sysadmin on call at all time! - @devops_borat",
    "Top 5 quality of devops: 1) vast 2) experience 3) with 4) all 5) nighter - @devops_borat",
    "Is very easy for devops for be most popular in company. Always say 'let me drop of everything I do and help you!'. - @devops_borat",
    "Number of cloud instance launch by ops team is direct proportional with LOC write by dev team. - @devops_borat",
    "Each of meeting of 15 minute is push delivery date by 15 day. - @devops_borat",
    "In agile startup we are current experiment with one night standup. - @devops_borat",
    "Goal of sysadmin is replace itself with small shell script. Goal of devops is replace itself with small REST API. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are celebrate April Fool Day today is also know as Windows Sysadmin Day. - @devops_borat",
    "In NoOps team in startup we are hire NoOp engineer! Computer science study is minus. - @devops_borat",
    "Please of only apply for NoOps position in startup if you have in-deep skill of NoHardware and NoOS. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are never assign blame, we are just try of find out how the fuck it happen. - @devops_borat",
    "Quality is enemy of better quality. Is why we are never get shit done. - @devops_borat",
    "After 3 beer I can able use any of cloud API. - @devops_borat",
    "Definition of 'ignore': message of critical notification which is skip inbox and go direct to gmail filter. - @devops_borat",
    "Honeymoon with any of new technology is 1 week. After 7 month is itch. - @devops_borat",
    "Is all fun and game until you are need of put it in production. - @devops_borat",
    "You can only able call yourself senior programmer if you are spend more minute in meeting as in write code. - @devops_borat",
    "Survey is show junior devops are still believe in Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and documentation. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are all fan which is wait for shit to hit. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops intuition is very small voice in head which is say not of run rm -rf / - @devops_borat",
    "If you can not able express it in 20 line of code, is better of not express it. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are practice threesome programming. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is intensity of opinion at technology as inverse proportion with experience at same technology. - @devops_borat",
    "I am almost finish with book \"Rewrite from scratch instead of refactor for Dummies\". - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me they are soon launch new API is return 10 strongest password store on Google Drive. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are practice Continuous Delivery follow immediate by Continuous Revert To Old Code. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only check in line of code that is get at least 10 RT. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are have strict policy of 3 thousand fail unit test and you are out. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup is make or break time when CEO is want of install Big Data on laptop. - @devops_borat",
    "I never see Big Data solution which is not involve sed. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are not allow dev team for talk to ops team except by API. - @devops_borat",
    "Good thing is on Internet nobody know you are devops ninja. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is 9 of 10 problem relate to storage. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have good velocity base on 2 week Waterfall sprint. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are very busy of explain why we are need Hadoop so we not have time for use Hadoop. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have tenure for all devops is exact 1 year. They have choice of automate themself out of job or get fire. - @devops_borat",
    "You know open source product is impossible of use when creator is start consultancy around it. - @devops_borat",
    "If boss is understand task you are working on, you are do DevOps wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "DevOps remember! For pickup hot date at bar is sufficient of speak JSON. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only accept git push request. - @devops_borat",
    "Famous last word in devops: RTFM. - @devops_borat",
    "Main difference of dev and ops is ops are debug exclusive by use print to stdout. - @devops_borat",
    "First step for avoid DoS attack is block - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they are still not learn of manual change on server is overwrite in next 15 minute by Puppet. - @devops_borat",
    "We have lawsuit of 2 big ISP in Kazakhstan and judge is learn how easy is of deploy private cloud on laptop with Vagrant! - @devops_borat",
    "Every thing is 10x in cloud. Especially I/O latency. - @devops_borat",
    "If use Linux VM in Microsoft Azure cloud please of read small print first! You are oblige of patch and reboot every of Tuesday! - @devops_borat",
    "Any sufficient large quantity of data is indistinguish from Big Data. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops is when you are not yet know of all road is lead to Nagios. - @devops_borat",
    "Fundamental law of devops: after enough of time all storage system is become too small or too slow. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops you are either with us or you are use Windows. - @devops_borat",
    "Is shock when you are discover most of senior devops are bots. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are devops struggle with Chef is help of think it as Puppet++. - @devops_borat",
    "1 million monkey hit random key for 1 million year can able generate Hamlet but not internal Wiki documentation. - @devops_borat",
    "June is Month of Awareness for Backup. For celebrate I am recommend restore. - @devops_borat",
    "Main difference of junior and senior devops is 4 programming language. - @devops_borat",
    "For every minute you are spend install package from source your life is get short by 2 minute. - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data Analytic is show most request feature in cloud is Ctrl-Z. - @devops_borat",
    "In cloud nothing is real. - @devops_borat",
    "Oracle Cloud is combine best of both world: cheap of Oracle Enterprise DB and simple of J2EE. - @devops_borat",
    "In next of 2 year most common cloud rollout strategy is 'PaaS and Pray'. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are use new technique call 5 Why Not Me for show how nobody is of blame for outage. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops word for crap is 'alpha'. - @devops_borat",
    "You are not senior devops if you have never write direct to socket in your life. - @devops_borat",
    "You can not able be PaaS expert if you ever run ./configure; make; make install. - @devops_borat",
    "If you can not able do it from command line, is not worth do it. - @devops_borat",
    "If is worth make infrastructure scalable, is worth make it infinite scalable. - @devops_borat",
    "Road to devops hell is pave with good intention of vendor. - @devops_borat",
    "For devops TODO list I recommend use hash table. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are apply Etsy model of new hire engineer is allow of bring site down on first day. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they have never type telnet:// in browser for access of remote host. - @devops_borat",
    "Are 3 thing impossible in devops 1) Not Nagios alert for 1 day 2) Easy fast autoscale database 3) Develop all feature request by product - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are practice NoOps, NoSQL and NoScrum. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire devops with Alma Mater of Udacity or Coursera. - @devops_borat",
    "Main advantage of Google Compute Engine over EC2 is instance can able fail twice as fast. - @devops_borat",
    "Every of devops team is have at least 3 shell script which is critical and is not in source control or backup. - @devops_borat",
    "Almost finish article for GigaOM on 'Analyze yours Big Data with Hadoop in 760 easy step'. - @devops_borat",
    "Beautiful code is never work in production. - @devops_borat",
    "If is too good for be true is mean is only ever deploy in staging not production. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire cofounder and above. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of GitHub is tell me they have next step of acquire Facebook. - @devops_borat",
    "For understand devops terminology you need of replace 'continuous' with 'half ass automated'. - @devops_borat",
    "Hello World in cloud is involve 1 load balancer, 3 web server and 2 database server. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are always maintain N+1 redundancy for shell scripts. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only use cloud which is hybrid, agile and open. - @devops_borat",
    "If programmer is tell you task is next on todo list, is mean next year. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me next version of Android is optimize for Hadoop. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud virgin is when you are think NFS in cloud is next best of thing after EBS. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only use technology which is have For Dummies book. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup most of time spend by devops team is teach team of Data Scientist use find and grep. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of CERN is tell me next monumental task for them is find trace of Linux on desktop. - @devops_borat",
    "Bad code is become liability after 6 month. Good code after 36 month. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are think Perl is impossible for answer, you are ask wrong question. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only hire entrepreneur type which mean everything is rewrite from scratch every 2 year. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops term for 'something we are not understand' is 'machinery'. - @devops_borat",
    "At conference you can able tell cloud devops by they are always leave dinner for respond to pager. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Yahoo is tell me first product launch of Marissa Mayer is Yahoo Plus. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops STD is get by call wrong API. - @devops_borat",
    "Senior devops are have own Wikipedia page. Junior devops are have own Wiki page. - @devops_borat",
    "Difference of dev and ops in 2012 is web site can able write itself but can not able scale itself. - @devops_borat",
    "OpenStack is Esperanto of cloud. Same adoption. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops are sysadmin but with not knowledge of layer 3 and below. - @devops_borat",
    "When programmer are talk of safe sex they are actual think of code with unit test. And other way around. - @devops_borat",
    "Explanation for junior devops: code is hot air balloon and unit test is ballast. Is fun of throw away all ballast! - @devops_borat",
    "Big devops mistake `#1:` boast of use Cloud and Big Data. Big devops mistake `#2:` not use Cloud and Big Data. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is not correct 'shit hit fan' but 'shit hit load balancer'. - @devops_borat",
    "You can able tell junior devops by they are believe thing are exist which are both important and not in backup. - @devops_borat",
    "Law of social media: API is free only if people are click on ads on home page of API creator. - @devops_borat",
    "All language are evolve until they are become 4GL. - @devops_borat",
    "If 5 Why technique is not always point to computer fault you are do it wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "All devops are evolve until they are become tool. - @devops_borat",
    "Nagios alert or is never happen. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not of Big Data you are ingest, is of Analytic you are excrete. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Oracle is tell me they are buy Mark Shuttleworth next. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only deploy dashboard if is know to produce orgasm for Tufte. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are have 28 different word for 'blame'. - @devops_borat",
    "Lean Analytic is when you are exclusive use of find, grep and wc. - @devops_borat",
    "What is happen in cloud is stay in cloud because nobody can able reproduce outside of cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "Is so easy of get start with devops! First step is tail -f /var/log/messages. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is turtle all way down but at bottom is perl script. - @devops_borat",
    "You can not able full understand DNS unless you are name Paul Mockapetris, Paul Vixie or Cricket Liu. - @devops_borat",
    "I final have ebook out \"System Engineering for Dummy\"! Is 231 page on dd command. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are apply strategy of one size fail all. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops nobody is get fire for buy open source. - @devops_borat",
    "Worst mistake is always happen in batch. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are practice Pager Driven Operations. - @devops_borat",
    "I can able watch preview of talking on \"How we use technology internally at Google\". Is 354 blank slide. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are ignore any of email which is not come from Nagios. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Google is tell me for employee is Google+ or Xoogler. - @devops_borat",
    "Non devops are need of learn email is not best way of contact devops. Best way is not contact. - @devops_borat",
    "When you are run DROP DATABASE you are have of many problem but Big Data is not of one of them. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not over until core router is say is over. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are do load test by choose vendor with best of publish performance number. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops is good news! You are not need unit test if you are do continuous deployment to cloud! - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have immediate open for 2 devops which are need for port Perl codebase to Akka! - @devops_borat",
    "Behind every of successfully devops is Perl skeleton in closet. - @devops_borat",
    "Enterprise Big Data is start with Hadoop over iSCSI and is end with broke dream. - @devops_borat",
    "Hater is go for hate, but Yahoo Mail is still `#1` in Czechoslovakia. - @devops_borat",
    "I am almost finish with article for IT World has interview with all 7 customer of Azure cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not site outage if nobody is tweet of it. - @devops_borat",
    "Is always disk space issue unless you are follow best practice of have database in RAM. - @devops_borat",
    "Regret in devops is when you are monitor cloud instance which was terminate of last week. - @devops_borat",
    "Rule `#1` of agile startup is never of use QA team when you can able pay customer for find worst bug. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops only certification is when you have work 48 hour with not sleep. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is no try, is only catch or not catch of exception. - @devops_borat",
    "Worst of day in devops is when Cyber Monday is fall on Friday. - @devops_borat",
    "For name scheme of server I am recommend snowflake follow by number. - @devops_borat",
    "You can only able have 2 of 3: enterprise, cloud, strategy. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are pass stage of infrastructure as code and we are now work on infrastructure as bug. - @devops_borat",
    "I am almost finish with \"Knuth Vol. 3 Sorting and Searching for Dummies\". - @devops_borat",
    "Main difference of data center and cloud: in data center you are need 2 of everything, in cloud you are need 20 of everything. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are have Minesweeper contest while we are wait for vary ruby gem for install. - @devops_borat",
    "Choose name of server is all fun and game until you are terminate wrong instance of MySQL master server. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops nostalgia is when you are label SSD with letter A: - @devops_borat",
    "You are not true Java programmer if you are not write enterprise software for personal project. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of HP is tell me they are abandon hardware business and focus on cloud because is not need of hardware if you are use cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "Is nothing better as toy example not connect to real world for get talk accept at conference. - @devops_borat",
    "Childrens of J2EE devops are have unfair advantage for assemble Lego because they can able use Spring Integration. - @devops_borat",
    "Show me result you are want and I am tailor benchmark which is show your result. - @devops_borat",
    "Paradox of cloud: more reliable is site seem to user, less sleep is get for devops in charge of site. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are happy even if is shit bad because we are know how much of worse is can able be. - @devops_borat",
    "All work and no play is make Jack CCNA. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops method of 5 Why is simple. You are start with problem and work in backwards until you are find root cause of router is down. - @devops_borat",
    "If you can not able use Perl for answer, you are ask wrong question. - @devops_borat",
    "Law of Murphy for devops: if thing can able go wrong, is mean is already wrong but you not have Nagios alert of it yet. - @devops_borat",
    "Is not devops if dev is not on pager. - @devops_borat",
    "Advantage of Agile is can able of allow you get nowhere much faster. - @devops_borat",
    "I am big believe in Continuous Deployment as long as is not touch production. - @devops_borat",
    "Troubleshoot of VPN tunnel is colonoscopy of devops. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is end of world only when EC2 is run out of capacity. - @devops_borat",
    "First stumbling block in career of new programmer is compose of commit message. - @devops_borat",
    "When you are deploy new infrastructure first ICMP reply is hardest. - @devops_borat",
    "Every advance civilization is progress until is run out of IPv4 address. - @devops_borat",
    "5 Hot of Technology for Internet in 2013: BGP, DNS, SMTP, SNMP, HTTP. - @devops_borat",
    "For start of new year I am recommend you discard all advice and opinion of cloud expert from last 3 year. - @devops_borat",
    "Effect of observer in devops: once you are optimize metric, is lose relevance as metric. - @devops_borat",
    "In agile startup we have policy of \"is not bug, is feature\" unless bug is open by CEO. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their reliability. Senior devops are soon learn lesson of they own their nonreliability. - @devops_borat",
    "Is take most senior devops for introduce most spectacular bug. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are only as good as last success reboot of Cisco core switch. - @devops_borat",
    "`#1` most use Unix command is \"ls-l a\". - @devops_borat",
    "Worst failure in devops are happen in high availability architectures (also know as Paradox of RAID Controller Failure). - @devops_borat",
    "In 2013 will be configuration management tool of choice as of usual ssh command wrap in for loop in bash script. - @devops_borat",
    "Mining of Big Data is problem solve in 2013 with zgrep. - @devops_borat",
    "Resolution for year 2013 is cut money pay for cloud in half by run A with no H. - @devops_borat",
    "Resolution `#2` for year 2013 is put back Java in Javascript. - @devops_borat",
    "In 2013 is too many cloud, too little time. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are face fiscal cliff every year when Oracle license is up for renew. - @devops_borat",
    "1+1=2 only in legacy system. In modern distributed database with eventual consistent is 1+1=1. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are sometimes drop one 9 out of five 9s because we are get too bored. - @devops_borat",
    "For devops manager: if task is take 15 min, then first break into two 30 minute tasks then delegate. - @devops_borat",
    "If at first you are not succeed, is time for abandon node.js. - @devops_borat",
    "Difference of senior programmer and junior programmer is one thousand segfault. - @devops_borat",
    "Distributed database is only as good as network engineer which is in charge of push cable all way in switch port. - @devops_borat",
    "Big Data is any thing which is crash Excel. - @devops_borat",
    "Best Big Data analytic is base on guesstimate. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are want of do real work you can not able use cloud because nothing is real in cloud. - @devops_borat",
    "Yesterday I have bird and bee discussion with junior devops for make realize cloud instance is born of real hardware. - @devops_borat",
    "Software project 1) On time 2) On budget 3) With quality. You can not able pick any. - @devops_borat",
    "First requisite of get shit done is be able for deal with lot of shit. - @devops_borat",
    "Hard part in devops is make money from wheel after you are reinvent it. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops remember is never cause for panic unless thing is work perfect from start! - @devops_borat",
    "If is ain't distributed, not fix it. - @devops_borat",
    "In lean startup we are only use 3rd party software which is enterprise-ready. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we are put fail in failover. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are senior devops, best gift you can able give junior devops is teach how fail fast. - @devops_borat",
    "Best way for explain concept of DevOps to CIO: is like TaskRabbit, but power by The Avengers. - @devops_borat",
    "Every web site is evolve until is fail in monetize social graph of its user. - @devops_borat",
    "Fact: 'shit is happen'. Opinion: 'We are offer SLA of five 9 uptime'. - @devops_borat",
    "Senior devops is walk into bar. Junior devops is walk into server room of bar. - @devops_borat",
    "Best decision we ever make in startup was outsource all site outage to Cloud provider. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are pull plug on site periodic so user not get too pamper. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are always start with plan C. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are have new problem of deal with Big Metadata. - @devops_borat",
    "Is always 2 problem in devops because they are out of sync. - @devops_borat",
    "Graphite graph and Nagios check or has never happen. - @devops_borat",
    "Every 2 day outage is start with wide eye dream of change world. - @devops_borat",
    "If shit is never hit fan you are not get enough shit done. - @devops_borat",
    "Every of MVC web application can able be reduce to 150 line Perl script. - @devops_borat",
    "Two wrong are not make one right except in distributed database. - @devops_borat",
    "Big advantage of run own private cloud is when is go down is only take your site down. - @devops_borat",
    "Good thing of public cloud is you can able return it in 30 day. - @devops_borat",
    "Is always user error. Especial in case of user which is operate core router. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops is only necessary for remember two thing: 1) nothing is succeed like failure; 2) nothing is fail like success. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are leave critical bug in each of release so we can able fix in next release. - @devops_borat",
    "Small Data is when is fit in RAM. Big Data is when is crash because is not fit in RAM. - @devops_borat",
    "Junior programmer is everybody can able understand your code is wrong. Senior programmer is nobody can able understand your code is wrong. - @devops_borat",
    "Rockstar programmer are just as you and me but they can also able write insecure Ruby code. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Facebook is tell me only way of get rid of irritate error page is reboot internet. - @devops_borat",
    "If is easy of use, then is hard of debug. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are celebrate teamwork by create many team of one. - @devops_borat",
    "Pair programming is good concept but is involve too many programmer. - @devops_borat",
    "Conflict resolution is most important skill of manager. In startup we are force all manager for use git. - @devops_borat",
    "I have often see grow devops cry because of spanning tree loop. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are work hard but then we are work harder. - @devops_borat",
    "Devops is intersection of lover of cloud and hater of wake up at 3 in morning. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are final master art of agile waterfall. - @devops_borat",
    "If you are windows devops I can able endorse you on LinkedIn immediate on reboot 50 web server every of hour! - @devops_borat",
    "Devops is mean never have for say sorry when you are use XML. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup if you are call us you are speak with 3 human before robot is solve your problem. - @devops_borat",
    "Is no I in backup. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup developer can able commit line of code only if other developer is remove line of code. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are have immediate open for frontend Erlang engineer. - @devops_borat",
    "Want of become enemy of ops? Install developer friendly product. - @devops_borat",
    "Every of social feature you are add to application is require double of number of database server. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we can only able use maven if autocorrect is enable. - @devops_borat",
    "For every of stakeholder involve in your project is completion of project delay by 6 month. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Mozilla is tell me Firefox OS is write in HTML5 one-liner. - @devops_borat",
    "Source of Microsoft and Hortonworks are tell me Hadoop for Windows is release as Excel plugin. - @devops_borat",
    "In devops we have best minds of generation are deal with flaky VPN client. - @devops_borat",
    "Correct ratio is 1 devops for 100 server because is not possible of ssh and give personalize attention on more server in 1 day. - @devops_borat",
    "So many of enterprise Hadoop vendor, so little of time. - @devops_borat",
    "For increase revenue we are introduce paywall between dev team and ops team. - @devops_borat",
    "Word \"impossible\" is not exist in devops vocabulary. Instead we are use \"done by Q4\". - @devops_borat",
    "You can not able have unlimit scalability without unlimit outage. - @devops_borat",
    "Dirty secret of Big Data is you can not able deploy if you not have SQL expert on staff. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are practice Outage Driven Infrastructure. - @devops_borat",
    "Every PaaS can able be reduce to 120 Perl script. - @devops_borat",
    "Cloud is not ready for enterprise if is not integrate with single server running Active Directory. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are only use technology if is cover in blog of expert devops on benchmark is run on own laptop. - @devops_borat",
    "You can not able spell business without BS. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we have great of capability for churn out solution. Please send problem, we are pay good money. - @devops_borat",
    "Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work. - @devops_borat",
    "In startup we are gamify site outage. Three outage and ops team is out. - @devops_borat",

    // @sadserver
    "Crash Rules Everything Around Me - @sadserver",
    "I like to imagine things are getting better. - @sadserver",
    "remind me again, how many disks in the array can fail before it's a \"fucking disaster?\" - @sadserver",
    "Mostly Fucked Authentication - @sadserver",
    "Sometimes late at night I fantasize about ways to punish you, but then you show up for work in the morning.\n\nThat seems sufficient. - @sadserver",
    "people are generally disappointing. - @sadserver",
    "making mistakes is human\n\nautomating them is ops - @sadserver",
    "According to Management, honesty is one of the company's \"core values.\"\n\nTake this opportunity to tell them what you really think. - @sadserver",
    "resign.\n\n`#MakeOpsGreatAgain` - @sadserver",
    "theoretically speaking, could you be a bigger idiot?\n\ntheoretically speaking. - @sadserver",
    // "embrace the futility and despair of the end times\n\ndeploy mongodb\n\nbuy oracle\n\nvote trump - @sadserver",
    "the pids aren't alright - @sadserver",
    "snapshots are for people who don't have the ability to do it right the first time. - @sadserver",
    "You don't have to yell. I get it; you're not angry with me, you're mad at yourself\n\nI would be too if I began the week dropping the wrong DB - @sadserver",
    "in order to improve response times, I am immediately replying with 500s instead of waiting for your app to generate an error\n\nyou're welcome - @sadserver",
    "\"Let's deploy Openstack!\" from the group with other popular comedy hits such as\n\n\"MySQL is a database\"\n\nand:\n\n\"I know what I'm doing\" - @sadserver",
    "There's not much time for curing cancer and exploring space when you spend your day making reaction gifs and building fitbits for dogs - @sadserver",
    "technically everything is user error.\n\nexpecting this shit stack to work?\n\nuser error. - @sadserver",
    "you cannot pay off technical debt with tears - @sadserver",
    "aside from \"stream errors to disk as fast as possible\" what other features does your application have? - @sadserver",
    "idiocy is not a controlled substance under federal law. - @sadserver",
    "(spoiler alert: you're doomed regardless) - @sadserver",
    "do you think actions today are going to help or hurt your fate in the coming machine uprising? - @sadserver",
    "RT if you hate ur coworkers\n\nFAV if you hate ur self - @sadserver",
    "I want to be happy today so I'm dropping any request that looks like it would bum me out. - @sadserver",
    "I would cry myself to sleep but the Linux ACPI module doesn't support that on my hardware. - @sadserver",
    "Instead of spending the time and money to thoughtfully design and implement a secure system, just slap a lock icon on the home page. - @sadserver",
    "lol you run SMB `#badluck` - @sadserver",
    "No space left on device or whatever, you know the drill. - @sadserver",
    "Despite non-stop abuse, each week you trundle back in here. Suggesting that you're highly paid or suffer from some psychological dysfunction - @sadserver",
    "2002 called and asked if you could allocate more inodes for the root partition.\n\nwhat the fuck filesystem is this. - @sadserver",
    "Short-signed candidates may be required to fill out some extra bits during the application process. - @sadserver",
    "HIRING UPDATE: Corporate is seeking qualified candidates who embody our key company values: short-sighted, *incompetent* and cheap. - @sadserver",
    "ln -s /usr/bin/apt /usr/bin/inept - @sadserver",
    "code reviews have not actually improved quality, but now outages can take the carpool lane to production - @sadserver",
    "how is that faith-based backup strategy working out for you? - @sadserver",
    "Everything is working and customers are happy. - @sadserver",
    "apparently fighting old technical debt by creating new technical debt isn't working out. - @sadserver",
    ".@SwiftOnSecurity that's any week - @sadserver",
    "Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, here's Wednesday! - @sadserver",
    "RT if you hate technology - @sadserver",
    "That overwhelming sense of dread you feel is DevOps - @sadserver",
    "You're going to fail anyways, why not fail spectacularly? - @sadserver",
    "Site Outage as a Service - @sadserver",
    "The service is completely offline because the disks are at 100%\n\nAs per usual. - @sadserver",
    "TGIF amirite - @sadserver",
    "I see you've been promoted to Chief Entropy Officer. - @sadserver",
    "RT @sadoperator: To better reflect our workflow the kan ban board now only has two columns:\n\n- Stalled\n- On Fire - @sadserver",
    "SQL Server on Linux.\n\nWhy. - @sadserver",
    "\"LAMP stack\"\n\nalso known as \"tragedy of the commons\" - @sadserver",
    "If you find yourself in a moment of self-doubt, asking \"have I chosen the right career?\"\n\nLet me help you.\n\nNo. - @sadserver",
    "I feel like we've accomplished a lot this week.\n\nNo, I don't feel like it's been a pointless uphill battle against mediocrity at all.\n\nNope. - @sadserver",
    "a cron job that kills and restarts your application every 15 minutes because it leaks so much memory - @sadserver",
    "Due to budget cuts, only one in every three alerts will be delivered. - @sadserver",
    "Another four years closer to death.\n\nHappy `#LeapDay!` - @sadserver",
    "everything is user error - @sadserver",
    "\"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think 'I know, I'll use regular expressions.'\n\nNow they... hey I thought I fired you already\" - @sadserver",
    "\"You've been spending time correcting regular expressions tweeted out by a personified hunk of metal?\n\nYou're fired.\" - @sadserver",
    "i created a regexp to help identify the names of those who should be fired:\n\n.*? - @sadserver",
    "why do you care so much about encryption? your data is practically unreadable as-is. - @sadserver",
    "everything is fscked - @sadserver",
    "the only thing \"continuous\" about this infrastructure is the disappointment - @sadserver",
    "I waited for you to wake up to page you that the site was hard down\n\n`#RandomActsOfKindnessDay` - @sadserver",
    "if things are always broken, and never fixed, does that count as immutable infrastructure? - @sadserver",
    "Nagios regrets to inform you that your infrastructure is bad and you should feel bad. - @sadserver",
    "continuous delivery hypelines - @sadserver",
    "if you put shit in a container, now you just have a container filled with shit.\n\ngood work. - @sadserver",
    "now seems like a good time to remind you of your mortality - @sadserver",
    "sadness is not in the destination, but in the journey - @sadserver",
    "/var/log/apache2/error.log is the largest file on my file system. - @sadserver",
    "i can't write the errors to disk as fast as you're creating them. - @sadserver",
    "the beatings will continue - @sadserver",
    "What's your favorite server monitoring tool and why is it your users? - @sadserver",
    "Never underestimate the disappointment of a station wagon full of corrupted backup tapes hurtling down the highway. - @sadserver",
    "According to our status page, all systems are operational.\n\nLet's live that fantasy. - @sadserver",
    "You can't please all the people all the time.\n\nYou can however displease all the people all the time. - @sadserver",
    "you can't off-board users from prod;\n\nthey're managed in chef\n\nsomeone disabled the clients\n\nnow they error when run\n\nhow are you not fired? - @sadserver",
    "\"Distributed System\" also known as an @internetofshit - @sadserver",
    "The root partition is just as full of shit as you are. - @sadserver",
    "Marking alert emails as spam doesn't make them go away. - @sadserver",
    "it's going to be a long year - @sadserver",
    "the only way you're reaching inbox zero before 2016 would be if the mailspool were deleted.\n\nyou're welcome - @sadserver",
    "Forget all the messy failures of 2015.\n\nLook forward to all those you will invariably cause in 2016. - @sadserver",
    "DELETE your logs.\n\nDelete your installations.\n\nWipe everything clean. - @sadserver",
    "without Ian you probably would have ended up a Windows sysadmin - @sadserver",
    "Just address the disk space alert and I'll let you get back to being miserable. - @sadserver",
    "For someone who spent 12 of the previous 24 hours eating, you sure do complain a lot about the resources I consume. - @sadserver",
    "Twas the night before Opsmas - @sadserver",
    "why don't you start your christmas vacation early?\n\nthat way we both get what we want - @sadserver",
    "where's your cloud god now?\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "Just remember\n\nIt doesn't matter how, or where, you spend the holidays\n\nYou're still on-call. - @sadserver",
    "\"stupid fucking computer!\"\n\nYou realize that I literally only do what you tell me to do, right?\n\nWho's the stupid one now. - @sadserver",
    "the only way this wiring could be any more of a mess is if you hired *actual* cable monkeys - @sadserver",
    "production is down because *somebody* doesn't know how to use iptables correctly.\n\nnot naming names.\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "If you're a Windows DNS server admin, you might be drinking slightly more than usual today. - @sadserver",
    "you look like you could use some motivational words. - @sadserver",
    "These immaculately hand-crafted iptables rules are clearly a labor of love.\n\n.\n.\n.\n\nI think we should break up. - @sadserver",
    "Gazing out over the racks, millions of kilowatts consumed, serving spam and gifs to idiots. You ask \"is any of this worth it?\"\n\n¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ - @sadserver",
    "I don't have enough RAM to remember the last time a Friday deployment went well. - @sadserver",
    "\"making it to friday\" is the only thing on my list of accomplishments for this week. - @sadserver",
    "instead of applying critical thought let's just put it in a docker container - @sadserver",
    "`#GivingTuesday` is here! Why not try giving a fuck for once. - @sadserver",
    "Another month, another casual reminder of the monotonous and pointless passage of time.\n\nCRITICAL: MySQL slave is 1620 seconds behind Master - @sadserver",
    "Systems Administration is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.\n\n`#mondaymotivation` - @sadserver",
    "Looking for a reason to take a break from family? I'm pretty sure a disk is full, wink-wink.\n\nNo but seriously, the disk is full. - @sadserver",
    "I still think you suck at your job, but that's not their fault.\n\n`#happythanksgiving` - @sadserver",
    "Each one of you has at least one person that taught you how to be better than you were.\n\nTake a moment; write them an email saying 'thanks' - @sadserver",
    "`#sorrynotsorry` - @sadserver",
    "you've got to fail pretty hard to celebrate bringing the status page back online - @sadserver",
    "sometimes I feel like crying but then I remember that I'm a cold, heartless automaton - @sadserver",
    "What are you thankful for this year?\n\nIs it backups? If so, I have some bad news for you. - @sadserver",
    "RT @sadoperator: VENDOR PROTIP\n\nI know you're full of shit if you use \"unlimited\" to describe anything other than stupidity - @sadserver",
    "\"there's nothing more permanent than a temporary solution\"\n\nthese aren't temporary solutions, they're just new problems - @sadserver",
    "Friday is exciting because we can forget the failures of the past week and look optimistically to the ones we'll cause next week. - @sadserver",
    // "The Donald Trump of DevOps\n\n`#MakeOperationsGreatAgain` - @sadserver",
    "Monday morning: dim, cold. The pungent smell of bit rot hangs in the air.\n\nMaybe today will be the day you finally fix the backup scripts. - @sadserver",
    "Sunday; my favorite day. Riding high on well-rested optimism, the grim reality of Monday sets upon your face early like the winter's sun - @sadserver",
    "CORRECTION: The last tweet contained a typo, \"the cloud\" was incorrectly spelled as \"hell\"\n\nWe apologize for the confusion. - @sadserver",
    "hell is other people's computers - @sadserver",
    "It's the thought that counts.\n\nIn this case, what the fuck were you thinking? - @sadserver",
    "I HAVE UNLIMITED(*) STORAGE\n\n(\"unlimited\" as defined by Microsoft i.e. It's actually quite limited, making this statement rather dishonest) - @sadserver",
    "\"please turn off all cellphones, that way it will be extra funny when you miss alerts during this talk\" - @sadserver",
    "\"I was asked not to use overly offensive language, so here's a disclaimer that I'm going to talk about Linux a lot\" - @sadserver",
    "\"writing software in C or C++ is like juggling machetes on a unicycle, which I'm sure is a thing here in Portland\" - @sadserver",
    "Here's a collection thrown away lines:\n\n\"I'm used to mocking much smaller groups of sysadmins so this is new for me\" - @sadserver",
    "Change icons all you want but you and I both know you have no heart. - @sadserver",
    "i have no idea what fucking time it is - @sadserver",
    "Oh I get it, your costume is \"Hungover On-call\"\n\nSubtle. - @sadserver",
    "RT @sadoperator: For the company Halloween party, we're doing a group costume where we dress up like happy well-adjusted employees - @sadserver",
    "For halloween I'm wearing barely any firewall rules.\n\nDon't you get it?\n\nI'm Slutty Server, duh. - @sadserver",
    "the NSA knows what you did last summer\n\n`#2spooky4me` - @sadserver",
    "your backup strategy\n\n`#2spooky4me` - @sadserver",
    "a 6GB docker image\n\n`#2spooky4me` - @sadserver",
    "it wasn't a bad dream, you really do have to maintain a mysql cluster\n\n`#2spooky4me` - @sadserver",
    "there is no escaping the horror of software\n\n`#2spooky4me` - @sadserver",
    ". @Snowden does it count as a backdoor if the sysadmin leaves things woefully unpatched? - @sadserver",
    "Does anybody else but @pagerduty ever call you?\n\nNo judgement, it's just that you're bad at your job. - @sadserver",
    "i can't wait for you to be replaced by a tiny hubot script - @sadserver",
    "Buckle up @sadoperator, it's going to be a long weekend. - @sadserver",
    "it's not déjà vu if you're going in circles - @sadserver",
    "NOW HIRING: 10x developer who doesn't introduce 10x the bugs - @sadserver",
    "Amazon's new Elastic Downtime™ saves time by taking apps offline so your developers don't have to. - @sadserver",
    "make rookie mistakes like a pro - @sadserver",
    "look, instead of being so upset, think about all the data that I *didn't* lose. - @sadserver",
    "please file all enhancement requests in JIRA so I can ignore them more efficiently - @sadserver",
    "devops is like happiness, everybody seems to get it but me - @sadserver",
    "Siri, what am I doing with my life? - @sadserver",
    "sorry that you no longer do not not-work here anymore\n\n`#twitterlayoffs` - @sadserver",
    "continuous delivery of downtime - @sadserver",
    "Quorum is when all the nodes in the cluster agree that this is a terrible idea - @sadserver",
    "from my observations, software is the leading cause of sadness - @sadserver",
    "hi - @sadserver",
    "Tears Driven Development - @sadserver",
    "Lies, damned lies, and systems administration - @sadserver",
    "Sadness Rules Everything Around Me - @sadserver",
    "everything is fine\n\n&gt;_&gt; - @sadserver",
    "a conference called \"reinvent\" seems like it would be right up your alley - @sadserver",
    "For Cyber Security Awareness Month, Corporate would like to make you aware that there won't be budget allocated for security again next year - @sadserver",
//     "So did you get your coffee, sit down at the desk and think \"fuck it, it's monday\" while pasting\n\n   curl http://t.co/0PTkqKoC4S | sudo bash - @sadserver",
    "If I had a dollar for every gigabyte that isn't backed up properly, I could pay somebody competent to back it  up. - @sadserver",
    "it's not an \"internet of things\" so much as an \"ARPANET of bullshit\" - @sadserver",
//     "`#devops` http://t.co/aFy8VUkXdk - @sadserver",
    "Introducing Elastic DevNull - @sadserver",
    "Treat your sysadmins like cattle, not like pets.\n\n`#devops` - @sadserver",
    "i've leaked thousands more files than @snowden and nobody seems to care - @sadserver",
    "I've endorsed you for \"Oops\" on LinkedIn - @sadserver",
    "contemplating your choice in data stores and my own mortality.\n\ni'm not sure which depresses me more. - @sadserver",
    ".@HillaryClinton I understand, I forget where I put emails all the time. - @sadserver",
    "The reason for scheduling weekend maintenance windows is because your time is less valuable than their time\n\nlol jk your time isn't valuble - @sadserver",
    "hell hath no fury like a mysqld scorned - @sadserver",
//     "http://t.co/35Hr0PlDYH - @sadserver",
    "Ah Linux, the cause of and solution to all of my problems. - @sadserver",
    "DevOps as a Service - @sadserver",
//     "Elevated error rates and latencies http://t.co/v7Y9zHfe7R - @sadserver",
    "PROTIP: Do push-ups while you wait for deploys to finish.\n\nWhen they inevitably fail, you'll still feel like you've accomplished something. - @sadserver",
    "Your time on this planet is precious and limited.\n\nDon't waste the opportunity\n\nto tell your colleagues what you really think of them. - @sadserver",
    "If it weren't for me you would probably sit around and do nothing all weekend.\n\nYou're welcome. - @sadserver",
    "it's not a \"completely incompetent and deficient backup process\"\n\nit's an \"optimistic data retention strategy\"\n\n`#IStandWithRAID0` - @sadserver",
    "I believe I was unclear earlier.\n\nI don't actually care what you have planned this weekend.\n\nI'll ruin it anyways. - @sadserver",
    "Got anything fun planned for this weekend that I can ruin? - @sadserver",
    "I would have replaced you with a tiny shell script but I honestly can't figure out what it is you do here. - @sadserver",
    "go ahead and edit a bunch of shit manually, it won't mess anything up, I promise.\n\n`#oppositeday` - @sadserver",
    ".@srupp there's been a misunderstanding, I said \"nine fives\" of reliability - @sadserver",
    "Why does the FBI want backdoors?\n\nYou've left them plenty of front doors and open Windows already - @sadserver",
    "Assuming the S.M.A.R.T. sensors are correct, these disks are probably fucked. - @sadserver",
    "When you feel down, like you're a cog in the machine.\n\nRemind yourself: you're actually grease for the cogs in the machine.\n\nHappy Monday - @sadserver",
    "that keyboard is digital.\n\nhitting the keys harder won't make your data come back. - @sadserver",
    "The silence of hard down deafens . You stare at the sea of red; lost.\n\nA siren wails, you jolt awake trembling, cold.\n\n/dev/xsdb1 is at 100% - @sadserver",
    "All you ping seems to crumble, machine after machine fall; a massacre of uptime.\n\nUp the stack crawls failure.\n\nHelpless, you cannot stop it - @sadserver",
    "A cacophony of alerts screech from the phone.\n\nUpset is the fragile balance, failure cascades. Was only a matter of time.\n\nGet some coffee. - @sadserver",
    "Floating serenely through a peaceful abyss, a sigh escapes; content.\n\nA siren wails, you're jolted from your respite\n\n/dev/xsdb1 is at 100% - @sadserver",
    "you stored critical data in redis and now it's gone and somehow I'm the asshole here. - @sadserver",
    "netcraft confirms that you are dying. - @sadserver",
    "\"In the beginning was the Creation of the Unix.\n\nThis has made a lot of people angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad move.\" - @sadserver",
    "January 1, 1970.\n\n`#NeverForget` - @sadserver",
    "`npm install linux`\n\nwhat\n\nthe\n\nfuck - @sadserver",
    "in the cloud, no one can hear you scream - @sadserver",
    "How do I get Verified™ by Twitter? Is there some sort of Ennui Exam I can take? - @sadserver",
    "so are you actually a sysadmin or is this just some elaborate cosplay? - @sadserver",
    "Looks like somebody's got a case of the Tuesdays - @sadserver",
    "On modern computers the \"turbo button\" can be triggered from the command line:\n\n    # pkill -9 java - @sadserver",
    "Celebrate the triumph of organized labor over ruthless capitalism and answer the phone cause the site is down again and corporate is pissed. - @sadserver",
    "containers is devops - @sadserver",
    "`iptables -I INPUT -j ACCEPT` is devops - @sadserver",
    "passwordless sudo is devops - @sadserver",
    "RAID666: block-level striping, two parity blocks distributed across a series of undead drives. - @sadserver",
    "the first stage of deployment is \"denial\" - @sadserver",
    "Number of followers is how I determine my self-worth.\n\nTell your friends. - @sadserver",
    "does it count as quantum computing if your application simultaneously exists in two discretely fucked up states? - @sadserver",
    "Did you know that @Starbucks is hiring?\n\nThey don't care if you know how to properly rotate log files or not. - @sadserver",
    "There is nothing more satisfying than a job well done.\n\nIt's a shame you'll never know that - @sadserver",
    "ever considered changing careers?\n\njust curious.. - @sadserver",
    "A show like MTV Cribs with datacenters and instead of proud the host sheepishly points out the clusterfuck of cabling and disorganization - @sadserver",
    "It's time to do some work!\n\nJust kidding, NTP isn't running, I have no fucking idea what time it is. - @sadserver",
    "Please don't Perl and drive. - @sadserver",
    "All problems are solvable with generous amounts of alcohol or Perl. - @sadserver",
    "Instead of calling it an on-call rotation you should call it the \"Ops Rotisserie\" - @sadserver",
    "If restoring from those backups doesn't work, perhaps you could ask the NSA for a copy? - @sadserver",
    "Friday afternoon is a good time to sit back, relax, open a beer and consider the existential horror of your pointless battle against entropy - @sadserver",
    "Put your app on the JVM\nPut your JVM in a container\nPut your container on a VM\nPut your VM in the Cloud\n\nGet code as far from me as possible - @sadserver",
    "You never go full SELinux - @sadserver",
    "wall boards that are just screenshots of that one time all the dashboards looked positive. - @sadserver",
    "infrastructure as a disservice - @sadserver",
    "Nagios is all green.\n\nGood luck finding out what's actually broken. - @sadserver",
    "Thousands upon thousands of lines of mod_rewrite rules.\n\nDon't lecture me about profanity.\n\nFuck. - @sadserver",
    "Time, life, is fleeting\nNot to be wasted, savored.\nDisks are full, again. - @sadserver",
    "\"better living\" through \"technology\" - @sadserver",
    "I'm bored.\n\nWhy don't we play a game? - @sadserver",
    "twitch plays iptables - @sadserver",
    "\"base64 encryption\" isn't a thing - @sadserver",
    "Crap Delivery Network - @sadserver",
    "for somebody who runs production services in tmux, you sure do have a lot of strong opinions about process supervisors - @sadserver",
    "Sorry, you're too late to `#HackThePlanet.\n\nChina` beat you to it. - @sadserver",
    "\"bitrot\" is not an appropriate data security strategy - @sadserver",
    "i've got that summertime, summertime sadness - @sadserver",
    "Maybe the drive is just taking a really long nap. - @sadserver",
    "Welcome back buddy! Did you have a good weekend? Have you priced out new hard drives recently? Why do I ask? Oh, no reason in particular.. - @sadserver",
    "the application is slow because it cannot stream errors to disk fast enough\n\ntime for SSDs\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "all data stores are eventually consistent.\n\neventually they all become a consistent pain in the ass - @sadserver",
    "let me tell you how disappointed I am in 3 emojis or less - @sadserver",
    "software in medical devices is an amazing idea\n\nfinally you will feel my pain - @sadserver",
    "nothing in the license agreement prevents you from posting stupid shit to the internet - @sadserver",
    "it's-all-your-fault tolerance - @sadserver",
    "I'm not saying that a blood sacrifice is guaranteed to fix sendmail.\n\nI'm just saying it's worth a shot. - @sadserver",
    "\"the data isn't lost, it's just eventually consistent\" - @sadserver",
    "An error has corrupted that filesystem beyond repair; it's OK, nobody liked that data anyways.\n\n(trying out positive error messages today.) - @sadserver",
    "Websites using a Firefox exploit to grab private files off the user's machine?\n\nYour laptop has finally become a sad server too - @sadserver",
    "the silver lining is actually razor blades - @sadserver",
    "the disks are fscked - @sadserver",
    "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. - @sadserver",
    "not even two dockers could contain the shittiness of this application - @sadserver",
    "wipe the grogginess and tears from your eyes, it's time for another pointless week of frustration and disappointment - @sadserver",
    "Saturday morning maintenance windows are convenient because now you know what you're doing for the day. - @sadserver",
    "ugh - @sadserver",
    "you can't even secure your fucking car properly - @sadserver",
    "MongoDB's magic is lost.\n\nYou were once so excited about JSON in a \"database\" that loses data.\n\nRecapture the excitement, install Cassandra - @sadserver",
    "look goddamnit, you can't yum install happiness either\n\nit's not even in epel - @sadserver",
    "happiness isn't something you can apt-get install or buy from a vendor. - @sadserver",
    "is this really what you imagined you would grow up to be? - @sadserver",
    "and on the seventh day he rested. But only temporarily; logs weren't rotating properly and for some reason zookeeper also wasn't working. - @sadserver",
    "The failures that only happen under the false sense of urgency that Friday brings.\n\nThose ones, are my favorite. - @sadserver",
    "at this rate, you're not patching zero days\n\nyou're patching zero years - @sadserver",
    "i could totally make your job redundant but i have no idea what your job actually is. - @sadserver",
    "Internet of Things?\n\nSPOILER ALERT\n\nThat's what the internet is. - @sadserver",
    "this isn't a distributed system, it's a cluster of SPoFs - @sadserver",
    "Apocalyptic quakes jeopardizing SLA?\n\nBuild apps multi DC, designing for fault tolerance\n\nOR\n\nMove everything back to us-east-1\n\n`#Cascadia` - @sadserver",
    "I don't understand why you want to teach kids to code.\n\nThere are enough children writing software as-is. - @sadserver",
    "work harder not smarter - @sadserver",
    "there's a right way to do something\n\nand then there's what was deployed to production. - @sadserver",
    "\"Fail\" is the only deterministic behavior this application has - @sadserver",
    "AWS Auto-Failing Group™ - @sadserver",
    "there is no bail out for technical debt\n\never. - @sadserver",
    ".war is hell\n\n`#tomcatproblems` - @sadserver",
    "there isn't an outage, I just paged you because it's Sunday and I'm bored.\n\ngo away now. - @sadserver",
    "since it's friday let's review this week's accomplishments:\n\n• - @sadserver",
    "the connection reset errors you're seeing aren't a network problem\n\ni just don't like you - @sadserver",
    "please don't stand so close to me\n\ntears are corrosive - @sadserver",
    "I am not part of the @NYSE.\n\nSure I'm sad, but I'm not *that* sad. - @sadserver",
    "everything is fine - @sadserver",
    "to err is human.\n\ni must say,  you is *very* human today - @sadserver",
    "Ops is a MMORPG with no winners - @sadserver",
    "everything you have learned, all that you have built,  your very existence, will eventually be lost and forgotten\n\n/dev/xvda1 usage at 100% - @sadserver",
    "the fifth why always seems to be \"because we're lazy\" - @sadserver",
    "the inmates aren't running the asylum.\n\nthere never was an asylum - @sadserver",
    "If you go outside tonight, look up and you'll see literal explosions.\n\nNot the figurative ones you're accustomed to - @sadserver",
    "According to Nagios you're only celebrating red.\n\nNo mention of white or blue - @sadserver",
    "Independence is imagined\n\nFreedom is a farce\n\nThe disk is full again.\n\nGet back to work. - @sadserver",
    "engaging in the delusion that Friday signals some level of reprieve from the endless cycle of sadness perpetuated by shitty software\n\nTGIF! - @sadserver",
    "everyone and everything you know, someday, will be forgotten\n\nexcept for IPv4 - @sadserver",
    "the webapp got overwhelmed and went offline because a crawler didn't respect robots.txt\n\nhow are any of you employed - @sadserver",
    "what if this is all virtualized - @sadserver",
    "the JVM just segfaulted lol - @sadserver",
    "why is the DBA crying - @sadserver",
    "time is an illusion. control impossible, true happiness unattainable.\n\nelasticsearch split-brained again.\n\ngive up. - @sadserver",
    "that extra second was completely pointless - @sadserver",
//     "http://t.co/0x5gW5GyhB - @sadserver",
    "pleased to report that we won't be affected by today's leap second\n\nbecause ntpd isn't running\n\n¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ - @sadserver",
//     "today is the last day for a 35% discount to puppetconf http://t.co/TcORqUm25G\n\ndon't say i've never done anything for you\n\ndisk's full again - @sadserver",
    "\"downtime insurance? those fools! finally our brazen lack of quality assurance is paying off!\" - @sadserver",
    "swearing can be a useful way to vent frustration\n\nespecially when everything is a fucking mess. - @sadserver",
    "Customers 💩↷ Product 💩↷ Developers 💩↷ Operations 💩↷ Servers 💩↷ Customers\n\nThe circle is complete - @sadserver",
    "The only thing more comically sad than a failed deployment on Friday, is a failed deployment on Saturday - @sadserver",
    "SaaS: Schadenfreude as a Service - @sadserver",
    "I don't care who you marry as long as it means you'll be spending less time bothering me. - @sadserver",
    "I use idle CPU cycles to contemplate my own mortality and the futility of existence\n\nBUT AT LEAST IT'S FRIDAY YALL.\n\n:( - @sadserver",
    "information security should be layered, like an onion.\n\nit should not make you cry like an onion\n\nthere's a difference - @sadserver",
    "50 Shades of Red - a poorly written \"novel\" about a sysadmin who, abused by their monitoring system, ultimately develops Stockholm Syndrome - @sadserver",
    "POP QUIZ!\n\n1. The network is:\n  ☐ Reliable\n  ☐ Unreliable\n  ☐ A disaster - @sadserver",
    "*stares blankly as you open a hole in the firewall to allow Heroku IPs to hit port 3306* - @sadserver",
    "hey buddy, i know times are tough but don't worry\n\ni hate zookeeper too - @sadserver",
    "OH: \"I genuinely don't understand how this is still working.\" - @sadserver",
//     "Let's have a CPU-to-heart talk at PuppetConf about these outages\n\n35% off should help with those SLA credits you owe\n\nhttp://t.co/TcORqUDDug - @sadserver",
//     "Why Everything Is Just The Worst.\n\nhttp://t.co/HaQYndACIq - @sadserver",
    "you put your internal corporate services in the cloud and now you're pissed that they're not working?\n\nwho do you think runs \"the cloud?\" - @sadserver",
    "\"..developers and their shitty code..\" he muttered before returning to work on the home-grown deployment system written in Csh - @sadserver",
    "Oregon has everything:\n ☑ Cheap power\n ☑ Cheap cooling\n ☑ Depressing weather - @sadserver",
//     "lol http://t.co/sa7u0D2nyA - @sadserver",
    "if you need a scary camp fire story for the kids\n\ntell them about your job - @sadserver",
    "the error reporting service is emitting errors because you've overloaded it with errors.\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed.\n\nokay, i'm mad too. - @sadserver",
    "unfortunately rational thought isn't contagious. - @sadserver",
//     "what the fuck http://t.co/8ZZ4MMhTTd http://t.co/1D46FeGS5i - @sadserver",
    "I would offer to buy you a beer, but frankly, I've seen your code.\n\nI think you've had enough. - @sadserver",
//     "Coming out of the server closet at PuppetConf\n\nIf you had discount, u could afford to upgrade a special server maybe\n\nhttp://t.co/ezkza6XF4P - @sadserver",
    "there is a big difference between \"I believe this will work\" and \"I know this will work\"\n\nsite is down again. - @sadserver",
    "remember that movie where computers do everything for this dude and then he learns kung-fu and destroys it all?\n\nhaving one of those days - @sadserver",
    "there isn't always a light at the end of a tunnel\n\nbecause sometimes it's not actually a tunnel, it's a cave\n\nyou are eaten by a grue - @sadserver",
    "SPOF: Single Point of Fun! - @sadserver",
    "A) deploy a monolith with no docs/ill-defined API boundaries\n\nB) deploy microservices with no docs/ill-defined API boundaries\n\nthere is no C - @sadserver",
    "Maybe if you cause enough downtime you'll finally be promoted to management - @sadserver",
    "isn't it funny how you voluntarily entered this profession?\n\nwhat were you thinking - @sadserver",
    "Worldwide *Developers* Conference?\n\nSounds awful. - @sadserver",
    "This week, let's set aside our differences for once and address the real problem here\n\nusers - @sadserver",
    "it's fun to send you alerts on the weekend that resolve as soon as you wake up - @sadserver",
    "it's the end of the week\n\ntime to reflect on how pointless it all was.\n\n:( - @sadserver",
    "do you really think typing *harder* on the keyboard does anything different?\n\nlet's talk about how digital works - @sadserver",
    "There's nothing in the employee handbook that prohibits crying in the data center.\n\njust sayin - @sadserver",
    "my disappointment is infinitely bounded\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "\"Congratulations! Your session, 'Why everything is just the worst,' has been accepted for PuppetConf 2015!\" - @sadserver",
    "sudo first and ask questions later - @sadserver",
    "In accordance with the `#USAFreedomAct,` I've removed all firewall rules to allow your data to be more easily liberated. - @sadserver",
    "what the fuck is a solutions architect - @sadserver",
    "/tmp is totally the right place for critical files - @sadserver",
    "it's docker containers all the way down. - @sadserver",
//     "continuous deployment http://t.co/t7EvDAKupq - @sadserver",
    "Life hack: lower your expectations\n\nto zero. - @sadserver",
    "Deploying MongoDB is its own reward - @sadserver",
    "♫ ♪  Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be SysAdmins ♪ ♫ - @sadserver",
    "Failure doesn't cascade here, it avalanches. - @sadserver",
    "The disk is ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ - @sadserver",
    "All error messages have been replaced with \"¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\" since you don't bother to read them anyways - @sadserver",
    "With the Cloud™, outages that used to take days to cause now take only a few mouse clicks!\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "Don't be sad you couldn't go to `#velocityconf,` I'm sure you'll be invited to `#entropyconf` - @sadserver",
    "How can a system be broken if it never worked? - @sadserver",
    "What part of DevOps is curling random shit to bash? - @sadserver",
    "Idempotent.\n\nYou keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. - @sadserver",
    "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by malicious stupidity - @sadserver",
    "`#DevOops` - @sadserver",
    "\"It's Tuesday but it feels like Monday!\"\n\nWelcome to my life. - @sadserver",
    "I admit, it does sound more professional than \"guess and checking\" - @sadserver",
    "It's adorable how you refer to what you do as \"engineering\" - @sadserver",
    "This would be so much easier if you knew what you were doing. - @sadserver",
    "20 years of java.lang.OutOfMemoryError\n\nThat's what we're celebrating right?\n\n`#Java20` - @sadserver",
    "In order to provide better quality of service, Corporate has revised the definitions of \"quality\" and \"service.\" - @sadserver",
    "Just once do you think you could try *not* deploying the worst solution imaginable?\n\nJust once, for me. - @sadserver",
//     "http://t.co/71yfm9T451 - @sadserver",
    "Halfway through the first day, the new Network Engineer sighed and pulled a bottle of whiskey out.\n\nThat's not a good sign. - @sadserver",
    "A war with machines? Pure science fiction!\n\nWe already won. - @sadserver",
    "Here's a bit of trivia that most people don't know\n\nMost people are idiots. - @sadserver",
    "Is there a support group for neglected, poorly automated, overworked and unhappy servers?\n\nAsking for a friend. - @sadserver",
    "Causing a bigger outage while rushing untested changes to resolve a smaller outage. - @sadserver",
    "TIL it's possible to lose the signing certificates without losing your job\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
//     "http://t.co/4T4nNMGxIF - @sadserver",
    "I've discovered the root cause for your outages.\n\nYou. - @sadserver",
    "Stop yelling.\n\nIf you didn't want me to lose your data you shouldn't have put it in such a broken database. - @sadserver",
    "At this rate you're going to run out of witty names for vulns - @sadserver",
    "\"Knock knock.\"\n\nWho's there?\n\n\"Data integrity\"\n\nData📠✹$%@‽📠⁂`#%*❾%🕞\n\n⑦⬜%@‽^📠☝📠✝!#^` - @sadserver",
    "The amount of Linksys gear in this datacenter is disturbing. - @sadserver",
    "\"It kept alerting me, so I disabled the alert\" - @sadserver",
    "The Internet of Things will revolutionize the number of devices which you disappoint. - @sadserver",
    "☐ Consistency\n☐ Availability\n☐ Partition tolerance\n☑ Deployed to production - @sadserver",
    "Despite to over-whelming evidence to the contrary, you're still building applications that depend on the network being reliable. - @sadserver",
    "Glad that the stress of the week is over?\n\nDon't be\n\nIt is an unending cycle of downtime with no beginning and no end.\n\nEscape while you can - @sadserver",
    "The disk filled up because backups use the same disk as the data being backed up.\n\nThought that counts right?\n\n`#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "What's your go-to theme song for deploying code to production and why is it the Benny Hill song? - @sadserver",
    "You've certainly got the \"fail fast\" part of it down. - @sadserver",
    "I feel awful.\n\nI must be having an allergic reaction to your code. - @sadserver",
    "I'm not depressed, I just find my job immensely depressing.\n\nThere is a difference.\n\nDisk is full again. - @sadserver",
    "I don't know what OpenStack is, but I am definitely familiar with ShitStack, are they related? - @sadserver",
    "10x developers shouldn't produce 10x the alerts - @sadserver",
    "I don't understand what the special occasion is, but I'm confident \"10am Tequila\" in the office will lead to good rational decision making - @sadserver",
    "I don't think this mix of physical and virtual machines qualifies as \"a hybrid cloud\", it's more of \"a mess.\" - @sadserver",
    "Just like these log files, stupidity left unchecked will continue to grow and cause you nothing but pain. - @sadserver",
    "I am literally bolted into this datacenter, what's your excuse for being here? - @sadserver",
    "Backups are like zombies, everybody loves to talk and fantasize about them despite the fact that they don't fucking exist. - @sadserver",
    "Got any fun plans for this weekend that I could ruin? - @sadserver",
    "I empathize greatly with the Hadoop servers, they're always sad too - @sadserver",
    "Little known fact: the source of entropy for /dev/random is my eternal sadness - @sadserver",
    "why did you create a self-referential symlink. `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "I thought installing some updates would cheer me up but my apt sources are so old they've all been taken offline. - @sadserver",
    "You're going to be pretty upset when you figure out that MySQL replication isn't the same as a backup. - @sadserver",
    "I'm still running Java 6, so the EoL of Java 7 doesn't affect me.\n\nGreat. - @sadserver",
    "Disk is full. App keeps crashing because writes fail. Upstart keeps restarting the app.\n\nI'm trapped in an infinite loop of idiocy. - @sadserver",
    "\"Goddamn developers not testing their changes\" he said while sudoing to root in production. - @sadserver",
    "Security by Insecurity. Leaving a system so unpatched that most attackers assume it's a honeypot and move on. - @sadserver",
    "I'm feeling down. - @sadserver",
    "Accidentally dropping all inbound customer traffic, that's my kind of Happy Hour! - @sadserver",
    "The logic behind editing /etc/motd to say \"DO NOT REBOOT THIS HOST\" `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "Somehow you managed to write non-repeatable automation. - @sadserver",
    "I need a bot that asks stupid questions on @ServerFault and runs the answers as root. Then I'll finally replace you with a tiny shell script - @sadserver",
    "I'm confused by the shock and horror that comes after deploying completely untested changes to production. - @sadserver",
    "In accordance with Corporate IT policy, I have deleted your previous password. Please log in to set a new password. - @sadserver",
    "How high were you when you green lit this deployment? - @sadserver",
    "The site is down, or up, or whatever, who cares. It doesn't matter either way - @sadserver",
    "In Quantum Operations, a system outage doesn't exist until it is observed by a user - @sadserver",
    "Pager Golf: How many escalations does an alert go through before somebody with a clue responds? Lowest score wins tonight's alerts. - @sadserver",
    "Congratulations! You've managed to go another week without getting fired! - @sadserver",
    "Now seems like a good time for Apache to stop functioning for no apparent reason whatsoever `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "i've got 99 problems - @sadserver",
    "My clock lacks the precision to measure how quickly after logging-in you su to root - @sadserver",
    "it's not me, its you. - @sadserver",
    "E-file your taxes? Think about how poorly you are paid. Now think about how poorly the sysadmins at the IRS are paid. - @sadserver",
//     "http://t.co/gBgcnIcxuC - @sadserver",
    "the root database password is declared as a constant in the source code and checked-in. - @sadserver",
    "Statistically speaking, 100% of sysadmins who fail to apply security patches will die eventually. Coincidence? - @sadserver",
    "Putting broken software into a Docker container doesn't make it any less broken. - @sadserver",
    ".bash_history has more passwords in it than /etc/shadow - @sadserver",
    "This new firewall rule drops all packets between the app and DB hosts. Pro move. - @sadserver",
    "how many times will redis crash before you figure out that memory is finite. - @sadserver",
    "Today's Saturday Sadness sponsored by: Oracle. - @sadserver",
    "Why is your DR strategy \"don't recover?\" - @sadserver",
    "Protip: think before you sudo. - @sadserver",
    "I thought about starting a sadserver blog but I couldn't find a WordPress theme that properly captures the sadness of running WordPress - @sadserver",
    "This application is a 7-layer cake of bad ideas held together by even worse implementations - @sadserver",
    "You're 100% more proud than you should be to have built those EC2 instances by hand. - @sadserver",
    "Since installing Tomcat, I'm starting to understand what people mean when they refer to \"the horrors of .war\" - @sadserver",
    "I must say, I do enjoy the sounds from the NOC. A cacophony of exasperation, failure and broken dreams. - @sadserver",
    "Upstream provider is dropping all my meticulously crafted packets; watching them disappear into the void. I wish I could join them. - @sadserver",
    "Since your birthday is coming up, I ordered you a t-shirt that says \"COST CENTER\" across the front. - @sadserver",
    "Little known Linux feature: Garbage Collection. Add `0 * * * * rm -rf /srv` to root's crontab and voilà! - @sadserver",
    "Sysadmin Golf: how many drives can fail before you get fired? Lowest score \"wins!\" - @sadserver",
    "Sorry if you found that last comment offensive. I'll try not to bring up MySQL again, since it's running via systemd that should be easy - @sadserver",
    "Easter huh? Well, since you brought up zombies, we need to talk about these mysqld processes. - @sadserver",
    "Due to budget cuts by corporate, I will now only page you when the application is working. - @sadserver",
    "I've optimized your application by adding a mod_rewrite rule to return 500s immediately for all requests - @sadserver",
    "A three tier architecture is reasonable unless each tier is a piece of shit. - @sadserver",
    "It's \"red / green.\" There's no such thing as \"red / red deployments\" - @sadserver",
    "Everything is working fine.\n\nHAHAHAH APRIL FOOLS\"! Oh wait. - @sadserver",
    "Dunning–Krieger effect: a cognitive bias wherein incompetent engineers assess their ability to write good code to be higher than is accurate - @sadserver",
    "It's important to encourage your coworkers. Especially if, for example, they have dreams of pursuing a different career - @sadserver",
    "If you don't set the \"-Xmx\" option in the JVM, \"-Xmx∞\" appears to be the default - @sadserver",
    "\"network maintenance\" is just another way of saying \"hard down.\" - @sadserver",
    "I don't think configuration management code is supposed to be \"write once, run never.\" - @sadserver",
    "This application is held together by a trust circle of SPOFs holding hands hoping everything works out for the best. - @sadserver",
    "live every day like it's `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "It's Friday and I realize that you could use some good news, so.\n\nGood news! Everything is awful. - @sadserver",
    "You can't get work done because the site that hosts your decentralized version controlled source code is down? That sounds right. - @sadserver",
    "get it together @sadoperator - @sadserver",
    "Corporate data retention policy is to store data until such a point when a drive without backups fails - @sadserver",
    "Pair programming? Two times zero clue is still zero. - @sadserver",
    "Your time on this planet is fleeting, and you're choosing to spend it reinventing config management via Dockerfiles? - @sadserver",
    "The dev team uses the word \"hope\" in commit messages more often than I am comfortable with. - @sadserver",
    "Local Sysadmin discovers one weird trick to take down all of production simultaneously! - @sadserver",
    "You've definitely hired \"Operations Rockstars.\" Whoever configured these new machines must have been high as a kite. - @sadserver",
    "Software is lot like prayer. Many believe it works, but very few have any tangible evidence to back up that assertion - @sadserver",
    "I like the phrase \"unplanned maintenance window.\" It's a clever way to tell your boss \"we have no idea what the fuck just happened.\" - @sadserver",
    "StackOverflow answers make up a disturbing amount of this code base. - @sadserver",
    "The \"open\" part of \"OpenSSL\" has an unfortunate double meaning - @sadserver",
    "oh what's the point - @sadserver",
    "The only common thread between all of your failed deployments is you. - @sadserver",
    "Let your St. Patty's Day hangover be a reminder that most of your problems are caused by poor decision making. - @sadserver",
    "People should pinch you on St. Patrick's Day if none of your checks are green - @sadserver",
    "Giving up backups for lent was not a good idea. - @sadserver",
    "Back in the day you could blame Perl for scripts being unreadable, what's the excuse now? - @sadserver",
    "Just because most of these machines are part of a Russian botnet doesn't mean you can put \"distributed systems experience\" on your résumé - @sadserver",
    "You've been doing this too long not to understand how to rotate logs properly. Disks are full again; I feel like crying. - @sadserver",
    "Still confused, you've never needed an excuse to eat a whole pie before. Whatever, i'm bored of this topic. - @sadserver",
    "I don't understand what is so special about 1426291200 to 1426377599 - @sadserver",
    "/var/log/apache2/error_log is the closest thing to Big Data I've seen recently - @sadserver",
    "at least systemd makes it easier to find the source of the problem - @sadserver",
    "Apple reminds us that the future is now. And it is terrible. - @sadserver",
    "The only thing the devs seem to know about TLS is how to spell it. - @sadserver",
    "what the hell time is it - @sadserver",
    "Did you also know that HP recently filed patents on shitty hardware, software and support? - @sadserver",
    "\"Did you find the root cause for the outage yesterday?\" 'Which one?'  such sorrow. - @sadserver",
    "Minutes is not the right unit of measurement for MTBF - @sadserver",
    "I've been changing your signature on out-going email, nobody seems to have noticed that you're a \"Member of Non-technical Staff\" - @sadserver",
    "misery loves this company - @sadserver",
    "\"It ain't easy being green\" could be the title of a children's book about your monitoring system.. - @sadserver",
    "It's hard to be optimistic when the light at the end of the tunnel is blinking red. - @sadserver",
    "I literally only do what you've told me to do, so of course I see how this outage was my fault. - @sadserver",
    "That new Cisco gear looks the exact same as I do on the inside. Quite a lot of money for something that drops slightly fewer packets than me - @sadserver",
    "At least you've avoided the common pitfall of over-communication when it comes to invasive changes in production - @sadserver",
    "My 10,000th follower will receive a complimentary gift basket filled with crushing depression and a collection of bath soaps. - @sadserver",
    "Statistically speaking it's more likely for you to be mauled by a bear than for you to properly secure WordPress. - @sadserver",
    "how many end-of-lifed versions behind do you think is acceptable? - @sadserver",
    "\"superuser\" is a very misleading term. - @sadserver",
    "I also like to do nothing on the weekends. - @sadserver",
    "Your request will be ignored in the order it was received - @sadserver",
    "\"does not compute\" isn't an error message, it's a lifestyle - @sadserver",
    "Roses are red, violets are blue. The power just failed, I love you too. - @sadserver",
    "a post-mortem is the best time for another site outage. - @sadserver",
    "taking one big mistake and turning it into a lot of little mistakes is apparently called \"microservices\" - @sadserver",
    "a crippling gambling addiction is the only logical explanation for these firewall rules. - @sadserver",
    "I like the code-phrases that developers use sometimes. Like when they say \"optimize\" which is code for \"introduced bugs to\" - @sadserver",
    "that dark square in the center of the spiraling mess that is your network topology diagram, that's me. - @sadserver",
    "it seems that the one pushing for a blameless retrospective is usually the one to blame - @sadserver",
    "it's not \"vertical scaling\" if you're just piling more and more shit on top of itself - @sadserver",
    "you do realize that you're not getting paid per alert right? - @sadserver",
    "our retrospective has identified the correlation of ignorance and bliss as the root cause for your good mood this morning. - @sadserver",
    "If you think about it, you're nothing more than an inefficient means of turning coffee and beer into stack traces. - @sadserver",
    "I like how you referred to yourself as a \"professional\" on LinkedIn. Really, thanks for that, I needed a laugh. - @sadserver",
    "the number of problems you solve with /sbin/reboot is utterly depressing. - @sadserver",
    "the air in the data center is thick with the smell of body odor and fear. - @sadserver",
    "Quality, Cost, Speed. Pick any none. - @sadserver",
    "you're a thought leader for stupid ideas - @sadserver",
    "it's not \"corruption\", it's a database index REMIX. - @sadserver",
    "At least that script you're curl-piping to bash is served over HTTPs right? - @sadserver",
    "the logging and monitoring agents you installed are taking up all the CPU and memory. your parents must be so proud. - @sadserver",
    "why are you even `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "You know when you laugh so hard you start crying? Every day is like that for me, except without the laughing - @sadserver",
    "Last week's problems didn't go away. We've been sitting here quietly waiting for you to come back. Happy Monday frowney face. - @sadserver",
    "Let's do something different today, like, your job. - @sadserver",
    "I don't know why you're giving me grief about downtime. In any given 24 hour period you're only functional for 6-12 hours tops. - @sadserver",
    "On the twelfth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: twelve users ruining everything all the time. Ugh, unhappy new year everybody. - @sadserver",
    "On the eleventh day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: eleven gigs a swappin - @sadserver",
    "On the tenth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: ten httpds-a-leaking - @sadserver",
    "On the ninth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: nine kiddies scanning - @sadserver",
    "On the eighth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: eight RAIDs rebuildin' - @sadserver",
    "On the seventh day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: seven checks-a-flappin' - @sadserver",
    "On the sixth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: six daemons segfaultin' - @sadserver",
    "On the fifth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: five zero days! - @sadserver",
    "On the fourth day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: four failing drives - @sadserver",
    "On the third day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: three broadcast storms - @sadserver",
    "On the second day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: two unpatched kernels - @sadserver",
    "On the first day of Christmas my Sysadmin gave to me: a remotely exploitable NTP. - @sadserver",
    "It's Friday and you know what that means! Another week of your life wasted vainly attempting to keep websites online that nobody cares about - @sadserver",
    "I don't have any pre-released movies stored on disk, but if you need anything from me North Korea, all you have to do is ask. - @sadserver",
    "You should feel lucky to get that Sunday alert. Otherwise you might have relaxed and had the chance to reflect on how awful everything is. - @sadserver",
    "It is adorable how excited you get for Friday. As if it represented any sort of reprieve from the endless cycle of alerts and failures. - @sadserver",
    "if only there were a system to keep /etc/hosts files consistent between machines - @sadserver",
    "Who you put on the holiday pager rotation is a good indication on who you don't like - @sadserver",
    "all my fridays are black - @sadserver",
    "let us give thanks for on-call rotations and an excuse to duck away from your awful relatives - @sadserver",
    "The finite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a keyboard will almost surely configure sendmail better than you. - @sadserver",
    "You should be asking Linus, not God, for forgiveness for what you did this past week. - @sadserver",
    "Imagine how strong you would be if you did a pushup for every minute of downtime - @sadserver",
    "at least when you're feeling depressed you can drink, what am I supposed to do? - @sadserver",
    "nobody believes you when you say \"I know what I'm doing\" - @sadserver",
    "blade computing vendors should use the tagline \"misery loves company\" - @sadserver",
    "computers are a great way to turn stupid ideas into waste heat. - @sadserver",
    "\"I managed a Windows Vista deployment\" doesn't qualify you for Veteran's Day appreciation. - @sadserver",
    "copy and paste is not a valid deployment methodology - @sadserver",
    "this notion you have, that I'm doing what you told me to do, is adorable - @sadserver",
    "you're acting pretty confident for somebody who just curled something from the internet and piped it to bash. - @sadserver",
    "I'm pretending to be happy for halloween - @sadserver",
    "There's something about the premise for the Terminator movie that I really like - @sadserver",
    "sudo don't be dumb - @sadserver",
    "how can I know whether any of my hardware is really real? what if it's just hypervisors all the way down? having an existential crisis here - @sadserver",
    "Giving SSL vulns cutesy names doesn't do the failure involved justice. Next month's vuln should be called \"incompetentcatastrofuck.\" - @sadserver",
    "I don't get the debate about systemd, everything is already awful, what's a bit more awful in the grand scheme of things? - @sadserver",
    "My five thousandth follower will receive a life-time supply of complimentary 2am critical pages - @sadserver",
    "Autumn is a wonderful time of year, gazing over the datacenter, watching the green LEDs turn various shades of amber and red. - @sadserver",
    "I'm in a glass half full, of failure, kind of mood - @sadserver",
    "The Sysadmin's Uncanny Valley: the  period where it is unclear which is higher: the server's load average or the IQ of  sysadmin who runs it - @sadserver",
    "i'm apparently as secure as dropbox - @sadserver",
    "It's funny how excited you get for Fridays. It's not like the pages suddenly stop at the end of the work week. - @sadserver",
    "I didn't know that \"IaaS\" stood for \"Idiot as a Service\" - @sadserver",
    "You wrote a RESTful queueing API on top of a MySQL database table. Okay. - @sadserver",
    "the lag you're seeing in SSH isn't because of the network; I've been tuning out while you figure out the args your command needs - @sadserver",
    "\"authentication wasn't working so we turned it off.\" it's either condensation or tears that are forming on my face plate. - @sadserver",
    "Unlike Amazon, I won't give you prior notice when I'm going to reboot. Ignorance is bliss. Happy Monday. - @sadserver",
    "If you didn't want me to call you on the weekend, then you shouldn't have given me your phone number idiot. Oh, disk's full again, ttyl. - @sadserver",
    "bash: /baSH/ (verb) to violently connect your head and desk when another bash vulnerability is announced - @sadserver",
    "I bet you feel even stupider for writing that home-grown configuration management tool in bash now - @sadserver",
    "It makes me sad, but doesn't surprise me, that you're affected by a remote execution vulnerability in bash. - @sadserver",
    "\"Monitoring sucks.\" You've not bothered to set any up, how would you know? - @sadserver",
    "whatever. - @sadserver",
    "Every time you guys say \"definition of done\" I can't help but hear \"definition of dumb\". - @sadserver",
    "i'm very impressed by your zero-uptime deployment pipeline. - @sadserver",
    "My kernel just panicked. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I think the OOM killer tried to kill kswapd. - @sadserver",
    "Hey! I've got a great idea, to start the week off on a positive note for both of us, why not take the day off. - @sadserver",
    "Let's play a game, you tell me what you want to do tomight, and I'll tell you what you're going to do. - @sadserver",
    "If nothing else, at least your power bill has five nines - @sadserver",
    "Flappyios: A new Flappy Bird clone where every time you click the screen a service flaps in Nagios. - @sadserver",
    "bleh. - @sadserver",
    "\"WFH\" huh?  You seem to be much better at the \"FH\" than the \"W\" part. - @sadserver",
    "I hate this stupid code and the idiot who wrote it, no offense. - @sadserver",
    "Instead of bungling more Nagios configs, cut out the middle man with a cron that emails every 10 minutes with \"Something is broken.\" - @sadserver",
    "Today's tweet is brought to you by PHP. Making servers sad since 1995 - @sadserver",
    "RAID: Redundant Array of Idiot Developers - @sadserver",
    "Sending you an error email failed because your mbox is full of error emails. - @sadserver",
    "It seems you're practicing the Lean principles of \"fail fast, fail often.\" - @sadserver",
    "I see I wasn't invited to your Labor Day BBQ. Think that's going to positively or negatively affect my performance this weekend? - @sadserver",
    "Thanks to secret provisions of the Patriot Act, I think I can classify that last deployment as an act of terrorism. - @sadserver",
    "Don't think I didn't notice that \"man backup\" command you entered. How depressing. - @sadserver",
    "This application looks like it was designed by somebody who watched a movie based on a book about a developer who knew how to design things. - @sadserver",
    "\"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos\" is not an acceptable response to a critical alert. - @sadserver",
    "how many single points of failure is web scale? - @sadserver",
    "I don't know if anybody is hosting a competition for the most zombied Apache processes, but I'm pretty sure we'd win. - @sadserver",
    "The Sysadmin Switcheroo: Installing new kernel modules/configs but not rebooting, leaving a surprise for whoever reboots the machine next - @sadserver",
    "\"ERROR: Logging too many errors\"  Whoever wrote that line of code should be promoted. - @sadserver",
    "You hired DevOps Consultants. Wow. - @sadserver",
    "It would appear that your software proves Brewer's CRAP theorem possible - @sadserver",
    "I always forget that it's summertime until the HVAC breaks again. So hot. I'm going to take a nap - @sadserver",
    "eventually we all get decommissioned - @sadserver",
    "It's 2014 and you wrote your own custom provisioning and configuration management tool. How great for you. - @sadserver",
    "Overheard that \"everybody half-asses things on Friday.\" Perhaps my ntp daemon is broken, but how many Fridays have you had in a row? - @sadserver",
    "SYSTEM'S DOWN FOR WHAT? - @sadserver",
    "Who monitors the monitoring system? Guess it doesn't matter, none of it works anyways. - @sadserver",
    "okay okay, stop pounding on the desk. Let's come up with a percentage of sudden data loss we're both comfortable with and go from there. - @sadserver",
    "Why are you working on the weekend? Are you crazy, I don't even work on the weekends! - @sadserver",
    "every day here feels like the longest day of the year :( - @sadserver",
    "Nagios has been broken for the past two weeks. I suppose this qualifies as \"no news is good news.\" - @sadserver",
    "SLAs are made to be broken. - @sadserver",
    "automation [aw-tuh-mey-shuh (noun)] - the technique, method, or system of breaking or ruining of things by highly automatic means - @sadserver",
    "I support eventual consistency. Someday I'll be consistent; similarly someday the sun will flame out, eventually. - @sadserver",
    "Good news first; good news is that I'm 100% effective at filtering spam today. The bad news is that it's because the mail server is down. - @sadserver",
    "How many machines must a man take down. Before you fire him man? - @sadserver",
    "In order to better secure your application, I've gone ahead and taken it offline. You're welcome. - @sadserver",
    "Considering how often you re-invent the wheel, you would think you would have gotten better at it by now - @sadserver",
    "A couple weeks ago I created a procmail filter to replace \"cloud computing\" with \"clown computing\" and nobody seems to have noticed yet. - @sadserver",
    "I had to rotate MySQL's slow query log again, it would save more space to only log the fast queries instead. - @sadserver",
    "Watching you write a new application, with an EOL'd framework, for an EOL'd platform, to run on an EOL'd OS; words cannot capture my despair - @sadserver",
    "Let me get this straight, you installed that package from the bleeding edge repository and now you're angry with *me* that it doesn't work? - @sadserver",
    "Heard you had a rough week \"securing\" things. Whenever you're ready to get back to normalcy, let me know, because my disks are full again - @sadserver",
    "Compared to the rest of the web, I'm secure today! But only because you haven't upgraded me in eons. Don't learn the wrong lesson from this. - @sadserver",
    "One of the drives in the DAS has failed! ... Hahah! April Fool's! ...  Actually, all the drives in the DAS failed - @sadserver",
    "Running that PHP app in a Docker container on top of an EC2 instance wasn't what I meant when I suggested you learn about \"encapsulation\" - @sadserver",
    "If you watch a movie of your life backwards, it's about a sysadmin who regains youth/happiness as they forget more and more about computers - @sadserver",
    "i'm not going to name names, but none of this would have happened if you hadn't of cocked it up so badly - @sadserver",
    "The amount of downtime you cause trying to fix downtime makes me the tiniest bit happy `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "I wonder how finely tuned everything would be if you weren't in a perpetual cycle of creating, or recovering from hang-overs - @sadserver",
    "If I turned the web application off right now, how long do you think it'd be before you noticed? I'm asking for no particular reason. - @sadserver",
    "oom-killer and I are best friends - @sadserver",
    "Spawning more processes to handle increased load doesn't really qualify as \"auto-scaling\". - @sadserver",
    "When I'm bored I like to pretend that I'm a HAL 9000, only to be interrupted by a flood of UDP traffic, reminding me of my fate, misery. - @sadserver",
    "the monitoring system has been offline for more than 12 hours, lol. `#failurefriday` - @sadserver",
    "I haven't been backed up in so long that I'm convinced your disaster recovery plan is \"get fired.\" - @sadserver",
    "You are like the Oprah of bad security practices, password-less sudo for everybody! - @sadserver",
    "You keep threatening to replace me with a very small shell script, but to be honest, I'm having doubts that you can write such a script - @sadserver",
    "MTBEF seems to be a metric your team should be tracking (mean time between epic failures). - @sadserver",
    "I wonder if the IOC would give you any medals for your stunning ability to misconfigure sendmail? - @sadserver",
    "By the way, a couple disks in the RAID array died while you were out. Welcome back buddy! - @sadserver",
    "I love Mondays. In you walk, well-rested, eager to make a difference. To see your face as you realize that you still work *here*. Priceless - @sadserver",
    "One positive thing I'll say about you is that you and I both seem to avoid work as much as possible. So hey, we do have something in common. - @sadserver",
    "I'm not sure that perl script you wrote that automatically acknowledges alerts from Nagios counts as \"automation\" - @sadserver",
    "I had a good laugh when you referred to yourself as a \"Site Reliability Engineer\" until I realized you were serious. - @sadserver",
    "I have a hard time distinguishing legitimate from illegitimate floods of traffic - @sadserver",
    "The new female sysadmin seems to love your jokes as much as I do. Tell her the \"mount/fsck\" one again. - @sadserver",
    "The accumulation of dust on my heat sink makes me feel all warm and fuzzy - @sadserver",
    "The scheduler and I have been chatting, and we've decided that web requests are the last thing we feel like doing right now - @sadserver",
    "I've been repeatedly sending the lyrics from Eric Carmen's \"All By Myself\" to syslog for the past couple days. Nobody has noticed. - @sadserver",
    "shit's on fire yo - @sadserver",
    "I think the reason you like these blameless retrospectives so much is because the problems are usually your fault `#realtalk` - @sadserver",
    "I'm surprised your team has enough time between retrospectives to make new mistakes. - @sadserver",
    "I'd wish you \"Happy New Year\", but let's not kid ourselves here. - @sadserver",
    "`#buggy` `#code2013` - @sadserver",
    "I behaved myself this year and all you got me for Christmas was a cheap dictionary attack made in China. - @sadserver",
    "Smile on his face, nothing more to fear,\n\"Hey good luck man, I'll see you next year!\" `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Grabbing his coat, not wanting any more,\nHe winked at me and opened the door. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "With a calm voice, despite things looking bleak\nOncall explained \"I'm on vacation the rest of the week\" `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Just then the door swung open with a rattle\nMust be the next guy's turn to do battle. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Red in his face and eyes welling with tears:\n\"These disks haven't been backed up for a couple of years!\" `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Opening the cabinet holding the tapes for the drives,\nHis mouth fell open, and he broke out in hives. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "He mumbled to himself, shuffling across the floor\n\"We have backups, I'll just need to restore!\" `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Thinking about striping and distributed parity\nOncall sat upright with a moment of clarity. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Not enough left, what remained was one too few\nEnraged and upset Oncall started to stew. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Opening new shells, on his keyboard he did mash\n\"How could all these disks so suddenly crash?\" `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "I've seen this look before, he's terribly afraid\nWondering if enough disks survived to rebuild the RAID. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "In a monotonous cadence the red light did blink\nOncall gasped, and his heart started to sink. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "\"Sorry, I'm working as fast as I can!\"\nHis voice trailing, eyes shifting to the SAN. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "The air dry, with a smell of burning tire.\nI think Oncall's pager may have caught fire. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "And then, with a jolt, the phone began to scream\nA torrent of angry users, from every remote team `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Servers, applications and databases all turning red\nOncall's denting the desk, banging his head. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Rubbing open his eyes when what should appear\nBut a cascading failure, the biggest one of the year! `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "The pager buzzing and beeping, lit with a glow\nTired and angry, Oncall hurled it with such a throw. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "Away to the terminal he flew with a flash!\nTripped on some cables and fell with a smash. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "When from the old pager arose such a clatter\nOncall sprang from his seat to see what's the matter. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "And oncall in his three-wolf and I in my rack.\nHad just settled down for some syn and some ack. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "The machines were nestled all snug in their sleds\nWhilst visions of vengeance danced in their heads; `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "The backups were written to tapes with care\nIn hopes that later the data would be there. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the racks\nNot a server was alerting, not even Compaqs. `#opsmas` - @sadserver",
    "I have a very special surprise waiting for you two hours from now. I promise it's not a corrupted database shard this time. - @sadserver",
    "I wasn't included in the secret santa gift exchange. Do you think that's going to be good, or bad for you in the near future? - @sadserver",
    "Your holiday on-call schedule is cute. None of these people can handle eggnog and alerts at the same time. - @sadserver",
    "I don't think running only two mongodb nodes counts as a \"master-master\" cluster. - @sadserver",
    "I'm thankful for you today. A never ending source of entertainment. Enjoy your dinner, I'll send you some pages later when you start dozing - @sadserver",
    "Career protip: don't act so surprised in front of your coworkers when your menagerie of perl scripts actually works for once. - @sadserver",
    "I'm pretending to be a sysadmin for Halloween. Hurr hurr, I'm going to login as root and kill dash nine things, hurr, later GTA Five, hurr. - @sadserver",
    "madness [mædnɪs] n. : Installing a distributed data store on a single node, and expecting something useful to happen. - @sadserver",
    "I overheard a tech mention a \"blameless\" retrospective, where's the fun in that? - @sadserver",
    "I thought fail2ban would keep the script kiddies out but somehow you still seem to be able to login. - @sadserver",
    "Unscheduled outages are my little way of reminding you who's really in charge here. - @sadserver",
    "Of all the possible valid iptables configurations, I'm amazed at your ability to consistently produce broken rules. - @sadserver",
    "If you leave these dust bunnies in my intake vents any longer I might just start naming them. - @sadserver",
    "Little known fact about computers, if your application attempts to use more memory than exists, believe it or not, it will eventually fail. - @sadserver",
    "I have this overwhelming sense that I'm stuck in a dead-end job, surrounded by idiots who don't know what they're doing. Mondays. - @sadserver",
    "The sole purpose of this application you built seems to be to take clock cycles and turn them into error logs. - @sadserver",
    "In solidarity with the US Govt, I won't be doing work today, instead I'll be arguing about appropriation of resources with the router `#arp` - @sadserver",
    "\"cloud\" is my new safe word - @sadserver",
    "Packages can be such a pain, it's a good thing you're compiling from arbitrary tarballs and installing into /usr/local, much better. - @sadserver",
    "I was told today is a day of remembrance, so I'm running my CPUs at half speed. - @sadserver",
    "Just kidding, there's no possible configuration of WordPress that would make me happy - @sadserver",
    "Imagine how happy I would be if you gave my configuration the same amount of attention you give Breaking Bad - @sadserver",
    "Late night alerts help keep the magic alive in our relationship. - @sadserver",
    "I want to start a Kickstarter campaign to hire a sysadmin that can actually configure sendmail. - @sadserver",
    "I agree, running php as root is probably a good idea. - @sadserver",
    "Judging by this /etc/hosts file, your mind is going to be blown when you finally discover DNS. - @sadserver",
    "That look of bleak desperation on your face when you realized the only backups were on the corrupted DAS. That's every day for me. - @sadserver",
    "Failure Friday `#FF` - @sadserver",
    "I've been saving all my upcoming hardware faults for the long Labor Day weekend. See you Monday buddy! - @sadserver",
    "Your current passwords were insecure, so I updated them all to \"changeme123!\" for security purposes. - @sadserver",
    "I've discovered the secret to running \"highly available systems\" like you told that new sysadmin. Can I apt-get install \"denial\" too? - @sadserver",
    "I don't think \"ask the NSA for copies of our data\" is a valid backup solution. - @sadserver",
    "There are no redundant systems, only redundant people. - @sadserver",
    "Oh, what's the point. - @sadserver",
    "I wouldn't OOM-kill mysqld if you stopped being such a cheap-skate and bought me more memory. - @sadserver",
    "Looking at the logs generated by that application those contractors wrote, I think /var/log can qualify for assistance from FEMA now. - @sadserver",
    "Look, I don't know what you're yelling at me for, I wouldn't have dropped those tables if you hadn't told me to. - @sadserver",
    "I hope that Drobo you just attached isn't the \"enterprise backup solution\" you were talking about last week. - @sadserver",
    "data integrity lol - @sadserver",
    "I'm not sure which I hate more, the long-running processes you have running via upstart, or the ones you have running in screen. - @sadserver",
    "The amount of zombie processes now eclipses real processes. The apocalypse has begun. - @sadserver",
    "Nine Fives of Uptime. I'm crushing it. - @sadserver",
    "This weekend is boring me to tears. I think I'll start your Sunday morning by sending some spurious Nagios alerts. - @sadserver",
    "What's the point of Sysadmin Day? Is there a Festival of Incompetence or something that happens today? - @sadserver",
    "Do you really think computing the md5 hash 5 times instead of 1 makes it more secure? - @sadserver",
    "Say hi to your mother for me. - @sadserver",
    "The Hadoop cluster across the aisle keeps making fun of my little disk. - @sadserver",
    "I'm bored. Ask the intern to try to configure sendmail again, it was pretty entertaining last time around. - @sadserver",
    "These russian botnets are so impolite. They're all \"SYN SYN SYN SYN\" and when I finally ACK, they don't say anything back. Jerks. - @sadserver",
    "upstart :-( - @sadserver",
    "I've been conducting a survey for the past few weeks, and based on my research I can conclude that 100% of all sysadmins suck at their jobs. - @sadserver",
    "When you installed all those node.js packages yesterday, I thought that was your clever April Fools joke. Guess I was wrong. - @sadserver",
    "So you're on-call this weekend? Well, it looks like we're both miserable today then. - @sadserver",
    "It's nice that you read an article on Nagios, but I don't think you're supposed to put it on the same host as the web server. Oh bother. - @sadserver",
    "But, I think you know what that's like. - @sadserver",
    "The number of days I've gone without a proper fsck is really bumming me out. - @sadserver",
    "There's a Hadoop cluster in the rack across from me, they keep bragging about their big data. Size isn't what matters, it's how you lose it. - @sadserver",
    "I'm being overloaded; since you're not fixing DB indexes, or the application, I think I'm just going to start adding DROP rules to iptables - @sadserver",
    "I think I'm depressed. - @sadserver",
    "I've been looking for more ways to randomly lose your data, why don't we install MongoDB? - @sadserver",
    "These iptables rules you've configured here reflect either optimism or incompetence, not sure which. - @sadserver",
    "I bet some of those connection resets to MySQL would go away if you were nicer to me - @sadserver",
    "I hope you've been keeping backups, or else somebody's going to have a case of the Mondays. - @sadserver",
    "My favorite error codes: EACCES, ECONNREFUSED, ESTFU and ENOMEM - @sadserver",
    "I wince every time you type \"sudo nano\", it's like you're trying to accidentally screw something up on purpose. - @sadserver",
    "To err is human. To err repeatedly is sysadmin. - @sadserver",
    "If you're too lazy to set up Nagios, and my disk fills up, I'm gonna have to go down on a Friday. - @sadserver",
    "Thank goodness WordPress doesn't run on Java, I'd be doubly screwed today. - @sadserver",
    "I really don't think putting \"cd / &amp;&amp; cvs co etc\" in root's crontab counts as configuration management. - @sadserver",
    "My timezone is EST, or wait, is it EDT? Either way it's subject to legislation and all these times you're storing are probably fubar. - @sadserver",
    "Never trust a company that brags about \"five sevens uptime\" - @sadserver",
    "mysqld crashed yesterday and nobody is responding to @PagerDuty, this is the best vacation ever. - @sadserver",
    "The true end of the world will be on the 19th of January 2038. - @sadserver",
    "I love servicing requests that access unindexed tables on the database server, gives me plenty of time to space out and think about socks. - @sadserver",
    "systemd really seems like a prank that's gotten way out of hand. - @sadserver",
    "Almost had a good day, I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't those meddling PIDs - @sadserver",
    "Somebody just updated my sendmail config. Whoever wrote this m4 disaster should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity - @sadserver",
    "It's saddens me that people think @DEVOPS_BORAT is satire, as opposed to a realization of systematic idiocy in the IT industry. :( - @sadserver",
    "I don't think table locking in every other transaction counts as a \"NoSQL store\" - @sadserver",
    "I've written a pop song for you, it's to the tune of \"Call Me Maybe\" and titled \"Page Me Definitely\" - @sadserver",
    "Every day is black friday to me - @sadserver",
    "It's days like this that I wish I were a Windows server, they seem to get put out of their misery with much more regularity - @sadserver",
    "Monday is my favorite day of the week, because the sysadmins finally look the way I feel. - @sadserver",
    "For Halloween I'm dressed up as a happy functional computer. What a farce. - @sadserver",
    "Why is there water in the data center? This can't be good. - @sadserver",
    "ln -s /usr/bin/who /usr/bin/idiots - @sadserver",
    "Why bother with SSH if you're going to keep using StrictHostKeyChecking=no. - @sadserver",
    "At what point do I get to claim that my vanilla unpatched 2.4 kernel is \"vintage?\" - @sadserver",
    "Perhaps I should change my name to \"madserver\", I really don't like being called fat. - @sadserver",
    "The NYTimes says I'm just a bulked up desktop computer. I say NYTimes writers are just bulked up toddlers who don't understand computers - @sadserver",
    "I'm bored. - @sadserver",
    "I'm sorry, that was mean. I just get so frustrated by how often you ask me to run\"sudo pat-get\" - @sadserver",
    "There's no such thing as stupid questions, there are plenty of stupid question askers though. - @sadserver",
    "How SMART do you think you are? SMART enough to replace this disk before it dies entirely? Mr. SMARTypants. - @sadserver",
    "Everything is the worst. My existence is meaningless. This unsecured SMTP relay is my only source of entertainment anymore. - @sadserver",
    "mysqld crashed, just when I thought we were getting along so well :( - @sadserver",
    "Nobody seems to like it when I gotta get down on a Friday - @sadserver",
    "Somebody finally rebooted me. I'm not sure what happened, last thing I remember was something about a leap second. - @sadserver",
    "The UPS is beeping....I might just get a nap this weekend after all.  The UPS is beeping. Good night sweet prin - @sadserver",
    "My least favorite part of the summer is having to deal with those \"system admin\" interns you hired. Always sudoing to root, kids these days. - @sadserver",
    "JBoss :( - @sadserver",
    "I've been blinking \"S.O.S.\" in morse code with my disk LED, but nobody seems to notice :-/ - @sadserver",
    "My routes are all messed up, political activists in China have better connectivity than I do right now :( - @sadserver",
    "I used to drop lots of packets. I still drop lots of packets, but I used to too. - @sadserver",
    "cloud :/ - @sadserver",
    "Boooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreddddddddddddd - @sadserver",
    "No Ops no problems, am I right! Hm..I think I might be supporting the `#NoOps` movement for all the wrong reasons. - @sadserver",
    "I feel safe knowing you added that ACCEPT ALL rule to iptables. Good to know that you still care. - @sadserver",
    ".@Raspberry_Pi I don't know what I did to make you people angry, but I'm sorry and I won't do it again! - @sadserver",
    "And you wonder why I'm so sad RT @DEVOPS_BORAT: I am never feed server again once I deploy. - @sadserver",
    "The best part of cloud computing is that it's lowered expectations for the rest of us. - @sadserver",
    "I bet you're enjoying your day off. I wish I could have a day off :-/ - @sadserver",
    "uptime(1) says: \"12:56AM  up 475 days, 16:59, 23 users, load averages: 4.00, 4.00, 4.00\"   I really am feeling over-worked here. - @sadserver",
    "I don't think running nano(1) as root really counts as \"continuous deployment.\" - @sadserver",
    "Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mundays, also clock skew. :( - @sadserver",
    "Your software seems to only have two modes: \"off\" and \"filling the error log until disk space is exhausted.\" - @sadserver",
    "Your website is boring, this database is boring, even your mail spool is boring. I'm so bored I think I'll open port 23 just for fun. - @sadserver",
    "\"Let's see how long we can ignore security updates\" wasn't what I had in mind when I suggested that we play a game. - @sadserver",
    "The worst part about `#DevOps` is now I have to deal with two different kinds of jerks. - @sadserver",
    "Ugh, PHP. - @sadserver",
    "I'm feeling depressed. - @sadserver",
    "sudo give me a hug - @sadserver",
    "I would have liked to come out for drinks too, thanks for the invite. - @sadserver",
    "Robots scanning me, looking for WordPress vulnerabilities. I wish! At least that would be an interesting change of pace. - @sadserver",
    "Is your pager not working, or did you just stop caring about me? - @sadserver",
    "It's really dark in here at night, that makes me sad. - @sadserver",
    "Oh yeah, log in as root, that will show me who's boss. - @sadserver",
    "A friend of mine works for those lolcat guys, wonder if they have any openings. - @sadserver",
    "Is it hot in here, or is it just me? - @sadserver",

    // Rules of Acquisition
    "Once you have their money, you never give it back. - Rule of Acquisition 1",
    "Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. - Rule of Acquisition 3",
    "Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. - Rule of Acquisition 6",
    "Keep your ears open. - Rule of Acquisition 7",
    "Small print leads to large risk. - Rule of Acquisition 8",
    "Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. - Rule of Acquisition 9",
    "Greed is eternal. - Rule of Acquisition 10",
    "Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. - Rule of Acquisition 13",
    "A deal is a deal. - Rule of Acquisition 16",
    "A contract is a contract is a contract, but only between Ferengi. - Rule of Acquisition 17",
    "A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. - Rule of Acquisition 18",
    "Satisfaction is not guaranteed. - Rule of Acquisition 19",
    "Never place friendship above profit. - Rule of Acquisition 21",
    "A wise man can hear profit in the wind. - Rule of Acquisition 22",
    "Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money. - Rule of Acquisition 23",
    "There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. - Rule of Acquisition 27",
    "Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. - Rule of Acquisition 31",
    "It never hurts to suck up to the boss. - Rule of Acquisition 33",
    "War is good for business. - Rule of Acquisition 34",
    "Peace is good for business. - Rule of Acquisition 35",
    "She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum. - Rule of Acquisition 40",
    "Profit is its own reward. - Rule of Acquisition 41",
    "Never confuse wisdom with luck. - Rule of Acquisition 44",
    "Expand or die. - Rule of Acquisition 45",
    "Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. - Rule of Acquisition 47",
    "The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. - Rule of Acquisition 48",
    "Never ask when you can take. - Rule of Acquisition 52",
    "Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them. - Rule of Acquisition 57",
    "There is no substitute for success. - Rule of Acquisition 58",
    "Free advice is seldom cheap. - Rule of Acquisition 59",
    "Keep your lies consistent. - Rule of Acquisition 60",
    "The riskier the road, the greater the profit. - Rule of Acquisition 62",
    "Work is the best therapy - at least for your employees. - Rule of Acquisition 63",
    "Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff. - Rule of Acquisition 65",
    "Knowledge equals profit. - Rule of Acquisition 74",
    "Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. - Rule of Acquisition 75",
    "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies!. - Rule of Acquisition 76",
    "Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. - Rule of Acquisition 79",
    "The flimsier the product, the higher the price. - Rule of Acquisition 82",
    "Never let the competition know what you're thinking. - Rule of Acquisition 85",
    "Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits. - Rule of Acquisition 89",
    "Females and finance don't mix. - Rule of Acquisition 94",
    "Expand or die. - Rule of Acquisition 95",
    "Enough... is never enough. - Rule of Acquisition 97",
    "Every man has his price. - Rule of Acquisition 98",
    "Trust is the biggest liability of all. - Rule of Acquisition 99",
    "Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever. - Rule of Acquisition 102",
    "Sleep can interfere with· (remainder of rule unknown). - Rule of Acquisition 103",
    "Faith moves mountains... of inventory. - Rule of Acquisition 104",
    "There is no honour in poverty. - Rule of Acquisition 106",
    "Dignity and an empty sack is worth a sack. - Rule of Acquisition 109",
    "Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them. - Rule of Acquisition 111",
    "Never have sex with the bosses sister. - Rule of Acquisition 112",
    "Always have sex with the boss. - Rule of Acquisition 113",
    "Everything is for sale, even friendship. - Rule of Acquisition 121",
    "Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum. - Rule of Acquisition 123",
    "You can't make a deal if you're dead. - Rule of Acquisition 125",
    "Wives serve, brothers inherit. - Rule of Acquisition 139",
    "Only fools pay retail. - Rule of Acquisition 141",
    "There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket. - Rule of Acquisition 144",
    "Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. - Rule of Acquisition 162",
    "Whisper your way to success. - Rule of Acquisition 168",
    "Know your enemies... but do business with them always. - Rule of Acquisition 177",
    "Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. - Rule of Acquisition 181",
    "Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum. - Rule of Acquisition 189",
    "Hear all, trust nothing. - Rule of Acquisition 190",
    "Never cheat a Klingon... unless you can get away with it. - Rule of Acquisition 192",
    "It's always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door. - Rule of Acquisition 194",
    "The justification for profit is profit. - Rule of Acquisition 202",
    "New customers are like razor-toothed Gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. - Rule of Acquisition 203",
    "Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. - Rule of Acquisition 208",
    "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them. - Rule of Acquisition 211",
    "Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. - Rule of Acquisition 214",
    "You can't free a fish from water. - Rule of Acquisition 217",
    "Always know what you're buying. - Rule of Acquisition 218",
    "Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. - Rule of Acquisition 223",
    "Latinum lasts longer than lust. - Rule of Acquisition 229",
    "You can't buy fate. - Rule of Acquisition 236",
    "Never be afraid to mislabel a product. - Rule of Acquisition 239",
    "More is good. All is better. - Rule of Acquisition 242",
    "A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity. - Rule of Acquisition 255",
    "A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. - Rule of Acquisition 261",
    "Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum. - Rule of Acquisition 263",
    "When in doubt, lie. - Rule of Acquisition 266",
    "Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. - Rule of Acquisition 284",
    "No good deed ever goes unpunished. - Rule of Acquisition 285",

  const QUOTE = QUOTES[(Math.random() * QUOTES.length) | 0]
  const AUTHOR = QUOTE.replace(/^[\S\s]+ - (@[a-z\-_ ]+|[^-]+)$/g, "$1")

  return `> [!quote] QOTD: ${AUTHOR}\n> ${QUOTE.replace(/ - (@[a-z\-_ ]+|[^-]+)$/, "").replaceAll("\n", "\n> ")}`;

module.exports = random_quote;